Ten Steps to DeSueify a Mary Sue
by NickyFox13
Summary: The dreaded Mary Sue pollutes the Harry Potter fandom, and who else but Ron Weasley, with the help of Harry, Hermione and Ginny, will all teach you how to make a Mary Sue into a plesant original character. Expect weirdness and alot of chaos. AU
1. Naming Your Sue

Ten steps to De-Sueify a Mary Sue

Chapter 1- Naming your Sue

**A/N: This is a, yes, very cliched, Mary Sue Parody. Instead of having a short and pointless story on bashing Ms. Mary Sue to a pulp, I will have the Harry Potter characters 'teach' you readers on how to make a Mary Sue a normal, pleasent OC. This isn't really meant to be taken seriously, so try not to flame me saying how stupid/pointless/cliched this topic is. Anyways, hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Characters, places, etc. in the Harry Potter universe is copyright JKR. If I was her, seriously, why would I be here? I'd be writing book seven if I was JKR! 'Ten Steps to De-Sueify a Mary Sue' actually came from an 'Avatar' story with the same title, whose author is Kigen, so the credit of the basic ideas of the main plotline goes to her. The style of her and my story will be different, but I will be looking at her story for ideas, but that doesn't mean I'll steal them though!**

* * *

Ronald Weasley walks into a large classroom, wearing a black teachers robe over his normal clothes. Ron is trying to look 'professional', but truthfully, it's not working. He has a chalk board to his side, with many pieces of chalk.

"Hello, readers! I'm Ron, and I shall be teaching you about those dreaded Mary Sues that pollute the Harry Potter fandom." He attempts to clear his throat, but Ron ends up not doing it. He turns to the board, and writes on the chalk board 'Mary Sue'.

"There are probably many authors who write Sues, but may not even know it! That is why I am here, to help people know how to determine Sue from normal." Ron makes a fake enthusiastic gasp and makes a loud cheering sound. "

"Right now you might be asking: 'What is a Mary Sue?'" He picks up one of Hermione's really thick books, and flips to a page in the middle of the book. "A Mary Sue, sometimes shortened simply to Sue, is a pejorative term for a fictional character who is portrayed in an overly idealized way and lacks noteworthy flaws, or has unreasonably romanticized flaws. Characters labeled _Mary Sues_, as well as the stories they appear in, are generally seen as wish-fulfillment fantasies of the author. Basically, what that definition is saying that a Mary Sue is a perfect character, with little or no flaws, are beautiful to an seemingly unhealthy extent, and are usually what authors want themselves to be. Today, we shall be worrying about names."

Ron writes on the middle of the board:

"When naming your Sue, you should see how it is spelled. Stay away from the long, exotic or weird pronunciation/spelling of names. So I reccomend you name your Sue 'Stephanie', not 'Stefeney' or 'Steffannie'. Keep your names to the average first name, middle, and last name. If you have more than three names, like 'Elizabeth Stephanie Anne Marie Louise Clarise Smith Jones Davies', choose _one _first, middle and last name. With the names left over, you can make a whole new character! Also, you might want to think about the time period, which is the ninties. So nothing too weird, like Treanna, Martini or can name them that, but mind you they would really stick out, and possibly teased. If you have a weird name, make it within reason. Like Draco Malfoy," Ron shudders, melodrama oozing from his lanky frame, "has a weird name, if you think about it. But it makes sense, because Draco is Latin and also a constellation. So think of the meaning of the names too, when you choose them." He takes a breath, partially to let the information sink in and partially because he's been talking a lot lately.

"Also, think of the main characters. You don't want your character to sound too much like the main character, so no Harriet, Harold, Ronnie, Ronaldo, Hermina, and so on. I doubt you authors won't name the Sues with similar names to the main characters, so I better not worry about that."

Ron erases the board, making chalk dust in his haste.

"Who are you talking to, Ron?" Hermione asks, sticking her head into the room.

"Nobody, Hermione."

"Okay. Why are you wearing Professor Snape's robes? Wouldn't he want them back?" Ron immidiately throws the robes on the floor, and gags. Snape, all of a sudden, bellows:

"WEASLEY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY ROBES?" Hermione rolls her eyes, while Ron whimpers when Snape gives him a good telling off. As a result, he gets a month's worth of detention. There will be _A LOT_ of work tonight helping Ron recover from the weirdness of wearing Snape's robes. On top of that, he landed himself into a profuse amount of detention and that situation would be fun.

_This month will be fun_...thinks Hermione, as Ron leaves the room with an angry Snape.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, end chappie one. Reviews are greatly appriciated! Kinda short, I know, but most of the chapters will be fairly short, possibly as long or longer than this one. OOC-ness is partially intened, seeing as this is a parody. Anyways, until next chapter, its Nickyfox13, saying 'Later'!**

**EDIT (4-7-13): Upon looking back, this fic deserves a bunch of editing. It's good...but it's obvious that I was young and immature writing this fic. Any changes to content will be minor or will supplement content already available. Also, many spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes will be fixed as well. This is why revising is important. XD**


	2. Physical Apperance

Chapter 2- Physical Apperance

**A/N: Yup, it's chapter two. I got one review, wish I could have gotten more, though. Two people put me on the alerts list, I'm happy. So anyways, here's chapter two!**

* * *

Ron, again, stands at the front of the classroom. He now wears his own robes, which is a relief to the red haired boy. Instead of having a chalk board, he has a marker board.

"Today, I shall start by saying, marker boards do not exist in the Harry Potter world, but Mary Sues shouldn't either. That's why I am here, to get rid of Mary Sues. For the time being, ignore the fact." He starts drawing a face, a girl.

"This lesson is about physical apperance, how a person looks. Besides a plot, characters are probably the most important part of a story. We want to know what she looks like without turning her into an eyesore or some kind of slut." Just as Ron begins to explain something else, Harry Potter walks into the room.

"Hermione told me you were talking to invisible 'people'. Is that true?"

"Yes, they are the readers." Harry just blinks. He walks towards the back of the room.

"Ah, I see. So what are you talking about?"

"A Mary Sue's physical apperance, like hair, skin and eyes. Would you like to teach the lesson?"

"Sure, I've got nothing better to do. Ron tells me you people are going to learn about how to make a pleasant looking Mary Sue. So, the first thing is hair." Harry adds on to Ron's picture of a girl. First he erases the hair, and adds on a new style.

"If you want to describe your Mary Sue, the readers would love it if you don't use a million adjectives. 'Her long, luxurious, sun kissed golden hair fell to her waist in a cascade of perfect curls'. Seriously, nobody cares. Just tell us she has long, blonde hair and move on."

"Next are eyes. Again, nobody wants to have the description of the eyes longer than the actual plotline of the story. If she has brown eyes, Mary Sue has brown eyes. It's just that simple." Harry takes a deep breath.

"Finally, we have skin color. Seriously still, nobody wants too much description, but some is fine. Remember, we are all human, so don't be afraid to give miss Mary Sue some acne or an odd scar on her left cheek. Flaws are good. Perfection is annoying." Harry looks proud of himself.

"To recap: when describing your character, don't give her more than two hundred and fifty words describing her. It really ticks people off if you ramble on and on about one person. It's not a crime to give your character a flaw or too, we _are _technally human and flaws are what make us unique. Lastly, remember, a character should be fun to read, not annoying. Thanks for listening, good night everybody!" Harry bows and thanks an invisible roaring crowd.

* * *

**A/N: So, how'd you like? I had fun writing this, and I hope you didn't hate it or anything. Please review, and try to hold back on the flaming, but if you must, you can flame. Thanks!**


	3. Clothing

Chapter 3- Clothes

**A/N: Wow! I got five whole reviews last chapter! Three people put my story on their favorites list! I feel loved. :laughs: Anyhoo, this might be shorter than the other chapters, as this is about clothes, and clothes don't seem to be too important in the books. So, here's the anticipated chapter 3!

* * *

**

Ron is still in the room, with Harry sitting on a chair by him. Ron clears his throat professionally.

"Today, instead of Harry and I teaching you the lesson, my little sister, Ginny, will be teaching, for today. It's going to be about clothing, by the way."

"Yeah, you should know we have no fashion sense what so ever."  
"So, with out further ado," Ron puts on an announcer- type voice, "here's Ginny!" Harry and Ron politely clap for the yonger red head.

"Hello! As my brother said, I'm Ginny, and I'll be talking to you about the clothing of Hogwarts." Ginny takes a breath before she gets all teacher like.

"Ok, the first, and probably most important, part about the clothing is the uniform. At our school, it is _imperative _you wear the black robes or you will have to face the consequenses. Nobody gets slack." Ginny is in a serious and angered mood. She takes a couple of minutes to breath deeply.

"On the robes, there is the house crest. Gryffindor is a lion, their colors being scarlet and gold. Hufflepuff is a badger, yellow and black their main colors. Ravenclaw is a raven with blue and bronze colors. Finally, those jerks in Slyherin have a snake, green and silver being their main colors.. Mind you, these robes are fairly short, probably only down to the mid or lower thigh. That means, logically, you couldn't hide a long, flowing brides gown." Ginny stops explaining to breath a bit. After a few minutes, Ginny startes to speak again.

"Now, it seems that you writers love to go into extreme detail about what your Mary Sue is wearing. As a reader, as you are reading the story, you notice how much detail is put into the outfit. My point is: nobody cares what your character is wearing under the robes. So, just give us a basic description, and move on. It's not like your story will completely fall apart if the clothing isn't mentioned." The red haired girl stops and laughs at her 'joke'. When she notices that there is no laughing, Ginny gets serious again.

"One last thing I noticed about the clothing is alot of the clothes worn can be considered 'slutty' or 'whore-ish'. Examples of slutty clothes are tight shirts, revealing clothing in general, miniskirts, fishnets stockings, boots, ripped clothes, etcetra. Remember, this is the nineteen nineties, this stuff isn't in style, and probably won't be for a couple of years." The girl gives you a 'get it? good' type of look.

"So to recap: Hogwarts students must wear the uniform, remember the time period, no mindless detail and try and keep the clothes from implying sluttiness."

Ginny smiles, and bows. She walks out of the room quickly.

* * *

**A/N: Yup, quick update, I'll say! What goes on in this chapter is how I feel about the clothes in some of the stories I've read in the past really have aggrivated me. Anyways, hope** **you liked and please review!**


	4. Personality

Chapter 4- Personality

**A/N: Ok, this will most likely be the last chapter about describing do's and don'ts of Mary Sues. The next couple of chapters will be the affects of Mary Sues, like in pairings, crossovers, second generation, Marauder's Era and possibly Quidditch related things. Yes, what I've mentioned will be chapters after this. Also, I forgot to mention that this is an AU story, if you couldn't tell. It doesn't really take place in a certain year, so I'll just say that its sixth year for Golden trio and fifth for Ginny, with good ol' Dumbles and Sirius alive. Other people's years will be mentioned when needed. So, anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Ron and Harry are in the classroom once again, ready to teach. Ginny, surprisingly, is with the two boys.

"This lesson," Ron announces with pride, "will be the final one teaching you about how Mary looks and acts."

"We will still have to teach it, mind you." Harry adds, his voice full of pride.

"Idiot, I never said we weren't!" Ron responds, a bit too angry sounding for his own good.

"Shut up." Harry immediately says, stepping closer to Ron.

"No, you shut up." Ron, the immature young man he is, responds with the same amount of immaturity present in Harry's voice.

"Both of you shut up! I swear, if I wasn't here out of boredom, I'd teach the lesson!" Ginny screeches, voice indignant.

"Ok, fine. Teach those hopeless readers and Suethors about the personality of Mary Sues!" Harry flicks his hand in a complex manner towards the once again chalk board.

"Ok, I will!" Before teaching, Ginny breathes deeply.

"This lesson is about the Mary Sue's personality. Since she is probably the main character of your story, the readers want to know about her. If you've noticed from the past couple of chapters, readers get really annoyed with too much detail. So if you've got more description than plotline in your chapter, you should stop the description _right now_! As you know, the word 'personality' means 'qualities and traits of a person'. In order to tell your readers about your character in a couple of words, or a sentence or two, you could say something like 'feisty, stubborn, a great attitude and a wonderful sense of humor'."

Ron rolls his eyes, exasperated. For some reason, he figures out that Ginny is describing herself and loudly says 'concieted' so the younger girl can ear. A thin book whizzes by the older red haired boy's head, barely missing.

"Anyways, we should _really _start to ignore boy idiots in the backround." Ginny clears her throat, while Ron and Harry seem to notice their names from the younger girl 'clearing her thoat'.

"Ok, back to reality now, seriously. Character development is important for the plot, because how the character acts might be vital for the plot! One mistake can make a whole plot cliche, bad or just plain confusing. When you tell us about Miss Sue, you should tell her to us directly, like I said earlier, in a couple of words or sentences. Be spontateous! Don't be afraid to give her flaws, like secretly related to Trelawany, that she's good at Arithmancy, her greatest fear is the letter 'F' or that she is afraid of heights. Nobody has zero personality. "

"You shouldn't be afraid to give flaws. No, a learning disability (dyslexia, dysgraphia and discalugia), extreme phobias and other disorders/diseases do not count as 'flaws'. Cutting, suicide, depression, and anexiety also are not flaws. They are serious problems that shouldn't be talked about lightly. Telling us her favorite color, food, book or school subject is not important, but still does kind of add to her personality. Anybody can like the color navy blue, hate the color olive green and love potatoes. One last thing, don't put other people down. It's not cute nor funny nor nice at all. That includes all types of namecalling, even if its about blood status or about the person's personality."

Before she gets to explaining more, an airplane made of parchment lands at her feet. She opens it, and reads it. The parchment airplane says:

_**Dear Ginny,**_

_**To distinguish a Mary Sue from a normal, pleasant OC, go to 'Google', type in 'Mary Sue Litmus Test' and click on the second link. This will help you with your class.**_

_**From, **_

_**the author, NickyFox13**_

Ginny looks utterly and completely confused.

"This letter says that, in order to distinguish a Mary Sue from an original character, you have to type Mary Sue Litmus Test and click on the second link. I have no clue what a 'Google' is or what a 'litmus test' could be, but this 'author' person seems like she, or he, knows what they are doing." Before finishing, Ginny crumples up the letter, and throws it in the rubbish bin.

"To recap, no mindless detail, but please tell us about the character, give her REAL flaws, lerning disabilities, disorders, diseases and extreme phobias are NOT flaws, nor is cutting, depressioin, suicide and there is no such thing as a human being with no personality." Ginny takes twenty three deep breaths.

"How was that, Potter?"

"Actually, that was pretty good, Weasley."

"Now you've got to admit I don't suck at teaching!"

"I never said you sucked at teaching!"

"I don't care, chicken and potatoes both taste good with ketchup on them!" Harry stares at Ginny blankly.

"What? It IS true! Chicken and potatoes taste good with ketchup!"

"I never said they didn't!"

Ron, for the second time this chapter, rolls his eyes, exasperated. He clears his throat, the words 'lover's quarrel' oddly audible. Harry and Ginny stop bickering over nothing for a long enough time to bow quickly. Ron stifles some giggles, bows and follows his fighting friend and sister.

* * *

**A/N: Haha, none of you readers are hopeless, if you write. Those are only the writers of Sue fics, lol. Anyways, the Google thing I mentioned earlier does work. Just as a FYI, dyslexia is where someone has a disorder, making it hard to read, dysgraphia is where someone has a disorder, making it hard to write and dyscalulia is where someone has a disorder, making it hard to do math. (Got this stuff off the Wikipedia, as I did the Mary Sue definition.) Disorders are a serious business and should not be talked about lightly. Also, suidice, cutting and depression is also a serious business and should not be talked about lightly. It isn't considered 'cool' or will make you popular if you are depressed, actually want to commit suicide and are cutting yourself. It's shocking how people think its cool to cut oneself, and don't take any of the mentioned things seriously.  
**

**Ok, rant over. About the story: This is probably the longest chapter yet in my story! So please take your time and review!**


	5. Pairings

Chapter 5- Pairings

**A/N: Yay! I'm back! This chapter is about the affects of Mary Sues when dealing with pairings, and the do's and don't's of pairing with an Mary Sue/Original Character. Oh yeah, this chapter includes implications of the RHr pairing. If you do not like that pairings, please do not flame me saying how much you hate RHr. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Ron, Harry and Ginny still stand in the front of the room, nearly obscuring the chalkboard. Surprisingly, Hermione, the bushy haired smart girl, stood with them.

"For the first time in the history of these short lessons, Hermione is with us!" Ginny, Harry and Ron applaude politely.

"Oh, stop! You're embarrasing me!" Hermione said, modestly.

"Ok, today's lesson is about parings with your main character." Ginny said, regaining her professional composure.

"What is the importance of pairings? Well, there are some writers out there who don't like the fact that Ginny and I have a possibility of getting together. Same as Ron and Hermione." The four teenagers start to laugh insanely at the fact that people would even think of putting them together. It only takes a few moments to regain their breath.

"Now that we've got that out of our systems, we shall start talking about pairings," Hermione explains, "the first part of the plot with a romance in it is develpement. Ok guys, have you ever seen a girl and immidiately wanted to ask her out? If you answered yes, than you are weird. In real life situations, no person, at first sight, loves a person. Tell us _why _these two fell in love. Just saying 'Their eyes met, and they both knew they were in love'. That is not adequate."

"Before Hermione decides to rant any longer, I would like to say that neither I nor Ron are gay. As far as I know, most of the male population is straight, but I could be wrong. Well, except Percy. He's a special case. Oh yeah, Hermione, Ginny and the female population are also straight. You can write us homosexual, but just remember, we aren't. If you want to explore our sexuality, do it in a mature way and develop it as much as possible, " Harry explains seriously.

"So if it floats your boat to write me, or any male character, with a male original character, go right ahead or to write a female slash story, its your choice. If you had any common sense, you'd pair me up with Hermione or something." Ron also explains. Nobody comments on the fact that both Harry and Ron blatantly generalized the sexualities of many dozens of students, because for all they know, most of their peers _are _straight. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry don't seem to know (or want to talk about) the fluidity of sexuality. Although their intentions are pure in trying to fend off rabid shippers, they come off as sounding naive and sheltered.

"Are you implying that I'm not good enough for you?" Hermione asks, enraged at Ron's words.

"I'm not implying anything! You are beautiful the way you are!" Ron retorts, almost as angry as Hermione. The bushy-haired girl looks astonished.

"You really think that?"

"Why would I say something I don't mean?"

"Come on guys, we've got a lesson to teach!" Ginny says indignantly.

"Oh yeah, right." Hermione says.

"Let's go on." Ron agrees.

"As Hermione said earlier, in a plot with romance, we the readers would like to have developement. That means, also as Hermione says, that you can't have your two characters immidiately in love with each other." Harry explains.

"It would make a great plot point if both of the characters hated each others guts. If you decide to do that type of plot, you should make the character's rivalry believeable and not make their hatred shallow." Rons says, adding on to what Hermione and Harry had said earlier.

"What Ron is trying to say is that hatred is not just 'You are annoying! I hate you!' It could be something like a family rivalry, like how Romeo and Juliet's family fought in the famous muggle playwrite, William Shakespere's play, _Romeo and Juliet._"

"What's _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"It's a Muggle play. Don't worry about it, Ginny." Hermione takes a deep breath, as she was talking alot.

"What else should we talk about?" Harry wonders.

"I know! Another thing about pairings is if you want your character to be a matchmaker for other characters, please try and not make the matchmaker character obnoxious, as in 'I'm so smart, I'm going to try and get the two most stubborn people in Gryffindor together! Aren't I special?' Nobody likes an obnoxious person." Ginny explains, sounding like she would be on the verge of a rant had she been given more time.

"Adding on to what Ginny said, the matchmaker should only get two people together. Getting your original character with one of the canon males just for wish fulfillment does not a good plot make." Ron says.

"Wish fulfillment, if you didn't know, is when you, the writer, really like the actor, if there ever was a movie of my life (which, by the way, is really hilarious, as my life isn't special enough to be made into a movie. Just because I beat Voldemort five times in the past sixteen years doesn't make me usnusual or special!), and just having the matchmaker just get together/make out with their favourite actor/male character." Harry says, as if he was reading out of a dictionary or a school textbook.

Ginny checks her watch and gasps.

"Goodness, we've got to get to class!"

"Before we leave, let's recap: none of the characters are homosexual (it's ok if you write it though!), nobody likes an obnoxious matchmaker and wish fulfilment is cliche and annoying. See you next lesson!" Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny rush out of the classroom, to quickly get to their class.

* * *

**A/N: wow, this chapter was a lot longer than intended! lol, seriously, please review! i beg of you! if you want, you guys can suggest what goes on in the next chapter! **


	6. Second Generation

Second Generation

**A/N: Yay, I'm back! Now that I reread the previous chapter, I found _alot _of mistakes. Oh well...no worries! So yeah, as you can tell, this is the second generation chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Hermione, surprisingly (or rather, unsurprisingly, depending on how you'd like to see the situation), is the first person to be in the front of the empty classroom. She takes a minute to poke her head outside to see if Ginny, Harry or Ron were in the hallways. They were late! Hermione hated it when people were tardy. Instead of being patient, Hermione flips through a planner and smiles.

"Since neither the Weasley siblings nor Harry are here yet, I shall teach this lesson. Why I'm not waiting for them is just for a simple reason: I want to get this thing over with." Hermione grins sarcastically.

"So, this lesson shall be about second generation fics. Second generation, if you don't know, is when the main characters are adults and have their kids go to Hogwarts. To write a good second generation story, there are some tips you must know." Behind the bushy haired girl is the chalk board, where she starts to write something quickly.

"First off, you must write a good prologue. Why a prologue? The main reason might be because you didn't write a prequel to this story. We the readers really want to know how these characters got together. In real life, it isn't plausible that two people got together randomly to have five or six kids. Be realistic, people!" Hermione laughs for no aapparant reason, then blushes and erases the board.

"Secondly, there are many people who are reading your story who are very forgetful. To have less confusion, it would be nice if you put some kind of list at the begining of your story, telling us which child belongs to which set of parents." The girl writes on the board quickly, 'List of Characters', indicating that she is taking notes. "If you aren't a fan of lists as I am, I would recommend weaving whose children are related to which parents with the suggested prologue."

"Thirdly, if you haven't noticed from the previous chapters, a lot of needless description is not something a person likes to read about. Some description is acceptable, but, like said before, if you spend more time telling us about your character than there is actual plot in the story, you must stop describing your characters." Hermione writes more on the board, this time it says 'Less is more', indicating that less description can be better than more.

"While we're still on the topic of characters, keep in mind that characters, much like people in real life act differently when the age. An eleven year old, for example, has a different mentality than a thirteen year old, even if it's slight. Remember that all characters suffer and are affected by other's actions, even if it's indirect. Simply put: don't be afraid for your characters to go through life-changing events so they can grow up and change." Hermione writes an abridged version of her speech on the chalkboard in smaller chunks. She essentially writes _people grow, show that happening!_ and _character development rocks, use it!_

"This is a fairly new topic: plot. A plot is what makes up the story! If there was no plot, the book you would be reading would just be a bunch of characters standing around, talking and generally doing nothing! An important part of plot is to make it original, and creative. As an avid reader, I hate it when I see too many stories with almost the exact same plot. Go in-depth with the plot: don't be afraid to flesh things out, and explain reasons for the plot happening." On the chalk board, Hermione has written the words, '_Be creative! Be original!_', indicating that boringly executed cliches are a no-no.

"Another thing about plot that is important is the fact that if you wanted to rewrite Ron, Harry and my school years again just so the kids can go through it, you should _stop writing now_! I say this because we all know how our school years are, so why make others characters do it? In my opinion, that is really unoriginal." The bushy haired girl doesn't write anything on the chalk board. Instead, she starts pondering some unknown aspect in her mind.

"There is nothing that comes to mind that I need to talk about that goes with our topic, so for now, this lesson is over." Hermione is about to walk out the door, when a panting Ron, Ginny and Harry enter the room.

"What did we miss?" Harry asks, genuinely curious.

"The whole lesson." Hermione replies, sarcasm dripping on her every word.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ron inquires incredulously.

"I didn't want to." Hermione's uncharacteristic grouchiness confuses Ron, Hermione and Harry. Nobody questions it, because it would probably start some kind of unnecessary drama.

An awkward silence filled the room, if that was even possible. In this situation, it was possible. Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Harry all stared at each other.

Ginny, to break the uncomfortable silence, then concluded:

"Since technally, Ron, Harry and I missed out on the whole lesson, I've decided that the lesson is over. So, goodbye, faithful readers, until the next lesson!"

The four teens walked out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: Yup, another chapter. All I ask of you now is to take thirty seconds of your time to leave me a review. Even if it is 'Update soon' or 'I loved it'. That is sincerely all I ask of you. So, yeah...please review! It would make the author happy and update sooner!**


	7. Crossovers

Crossovers

**A/N: Thank you nice reviewer people! Woo, second chapter this month, I feel special, lol. **

**So this is chapter seven, which is about crossovers, and what to do when you are writing one. Hope you enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

Hermione, as usual, was the first person to be in the empty. Today, she decided to be patient and wait for her three friends. Minutes later, Harry, Ron and Ginny enter the room, panting heavily, which probably indicates that they were running.

"What took you so long?" Hermione asks, sounding slightly sarcastic.

"Shut up, Hermione. It's not our fault we're _normal_ and not always early for everything!" Ron snaps.

"So, what's the lesson going to be about today?" Ginny inquires Hermione, completely ignoring Ron and Harry.

"Today, we will be learning about crossovers." Hermione replies.

"What in the world is a 'crossover'?" Harry asks loudly.

"I was about to get to that! Now, a crossover is when our world is, lack for a better word, combined with another world. Usually, fanfiction writers combine our world with 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer' or 'Charmed'. The two other worlds I just mentioned are Muggle television shows. 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer' is true to its name, as it is about a girl, Buffy Summers, who moves to Sunnydale, California. Basically, she has to battle against demons, vampires and alot of other monsters. 'Charmed' is about three sisters, Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell, who all have special powers, and are witches. Basically, these three sisters have to balance their normal life with their supernatural abilities and duties." Before Hermione gets into explaining anything else, Ron has a confused look on his face.

"You mean to tell me we don't exist?" The red haired boy yells indignantly. Hermione rubs her temples in exaggerated annoyance.

"No, Ron, we are a bunch of fictional characters in a book created by a middleaged, blonde English writer who is a millionaire." Ginny says sarcastically.  
"Actually, Ginny, you are right!"

"Really?"  
"Yes, actually. Now moving on." Hermione says professionally. Harry, throughout this chapter, had been relatively quiet.

"Hey, Harry! Want to do some teaching?"  
"Sure, why not." The black haired male takes a deep breath before talking.

"When people create a crossover story, usually there is an unlogical reason that either, Hermione, Ron, (and the rest of the Weasleys, for that matter) and any other character from school is called over to a different world or vice versa. Even though some of the characters might be be close to our age, the time periods and settings are most likely different. For example, we are in the nineties, specificially 1991 to 1998. The other shows or what ever was crossovered might be in a totally different time period, which could be farther into the future, like in 2006 or something. Some could be further in the past, like in the fourteen hundreds or even farther back into the past. Also, just because the two certain fandoms have similar plot lines or themes doesn't mean that they could just be randomly mased together."

Ginny decides she wants to rant about crossovers, too, so she stops Harry from speaking and starts to say:  
"You know what I've noticed? Crossovers are breeding grounds for Mary Sues. Why do I say that? Maybe you writer decide that two characters from the different fandoms would look cool together, so you put them together as a couple. Then, in the future, they get married and have kids, thus creating a second generation of perfection."

"Like it has been said before, if you want to create a new character to guide the others, do _not _make your character perfect, really beautiful/handsome, and good at everything. We as readers like seeing originality in characters, and possibly someone we can relate to. So, no perfect people as nobody in real life is perfect and good at whatever he or she tries."

"Lastly, it is also possible to make a canon character (an already established character in a plotline) a Mary Sue by making them perfect at whatever they do, making the out of character and exceptionally beautiful or handsome. Please try to keep the characters act as like themselves as possible. Just because they are in a different fandom doesn't give them an excuse to act unusually." Harry breathes deeply, as he had talked an exceptional amount in a short time.

"So to recap, be logical about what you are going to crossover, try to keep every character in character, and no perfection, original character or not." Ron says quickly. Ron leaves quickly, while Hermione, Ginny and Harry take a bit more time.

* * *

**A/N: Disclaimer: I am not the creator, nor am I claiming to be the creator of Buffy or Charmed. They belong to their respective creators.**

**Anyways, Harry talked alot just now. Lol, and to think I now just noticed it. So yeah, hope you liked this chapter and please review!**


	8. Powers and Abilities

Powers and Abilities

**A/N: Woohoo, I'm back, with another chapter. Basically, this chapter is about powers, like levitation, telekinesis, weather controlling, etc. Abilities will mentioned in this chapter, too, like Occlumency, Legilimency and being a Seer. So yeah, enjoy!

* * *

**

It wasn't much of a surprise when Hermione and Ginny were first to be in the empty classroom. They, like always, waited for Harry and Ron to get their selves to the classroom. Once they did, for some reason, both boys were panting.

"What took you two so long?" Hermione asked.

"One word: Snape." Harry replied, still panting.  
"Another word: detention." Ron added.

"What trouble did you cause in Potions this time?" Ginny asked, suspicious of her brother and her brother's friend's actions.

"Why do you always suspect that we did something wrong?" Harry asked, defensively.

"You _do _something wrong!" Ginny retorts in an angered tone.

"Ron and I are innocent!" Harry yells back.

"_Shut up_! Both of you. Honestly, fighting over such a stupid subject! I would have expected more out of both of you both!" Hermione snaps.

"Yeah!" Ron chimes.

"Ok, ok, fine, _Mum._" Ginny says, rolling her eyes.

"Since we've stopped fighting, we can go on to the lesson, which will be about powers and abilities."

"Why powers and abilities, Hermione?" Ron asks. It was sort of a stupid question in Hermione's eyes, but she explains anyways.

"In most stories with main characters as a potential Mary Sue, the author feels like his or her character is not 'special' enough and gives them illogical powers, like telekinesis, levitation, weather/element controlling, can speak to animals, etcetra. Abilities are sometimes thrown in too, like a powerful Legilemence, amazing at Occlumency, has a wonderful reputation as a Seer ...well, you get the point now." When Harry had finally caught on about powers and abilities, he decides to add something.

"Like Hermione said, powers and abilities show that your character can be a powerful being. With that, you should at least be logical. What I mean is that an eleven year old child will not know what a prophetic dream is, nor will it help anyone if he or she ever try to take it to heart. At seven, you cannot be a powerful Occlumens. It's just illogical, and will never happen." Harry says, looking proud.

Ron and Ginny, who have been uncharacteristically quiet, have finally decided to say something. Ginny would be going first.

"Harry had just finished talking about logic when deciding powers. I will just talk about logic in general. All I have too say is this: in the Wizarding World, nobody is telekenitic, can levitate, control elements/weather, can speak to animals, etcetra. It will never happen that someone can have a power like that, so don't even try. If you want to give your characters the powers I have just mentioned, create your own story where it is normal to have powers like that." Ginny says, on the verge an angry rant.

Hermione applauds Ginny, while Ron, feeling talkative, had something to say.

"Since I have nothing relevant or interesting to talk about regarding powers and abilities, lets recap. Powers are things like: levitation, telekinesis, talking to animals and controlling weather and elements. Abilities include: powerful Legilemens, amazing at Occlumency, and a great reputation at being an amazing Seer. Be logical when giving your character powers. Well, don't worry about the last one, as powers do not exist in the wizarding world. Thanks for your time, and good night! Or whatever time it may be..." Ron, Ginny, Hermione and Harry start to walk out of the empty classroom, only to run into...Professor Snape.

"Weasley, Weasley, Granger and Potter...what are you four doing in an empty classroom, unsupervised no less." Snape drawled.

"We are studying. Ginny needs help with a particular Charm, and Harry and Ron don't understand the concept of the goblin rebellion Professor Binns was talking about today in class." Hermione lied. Snape raised an eyebrow, definately not convinced with the bushy haired girl's lie.

"I will be kind and not give you four detention for lying. Tell me the truth as to what you are doing." Hermione, Harry, Ginny and Ron looked uncertain. They huddled, only some murmurs were audible to the greasy Potions master. When they finally stopped muttering to themselves, Hermione was the brave soul that talked to Snape.

"I'm dead serious, Professor Snape! I was tutoring Ginny, Ron and Harry! Honestly though, would I lie to you?" Ron, Harry and Ginny surpressed giggles at Hermione's very bold, but convincing lie. Snape raised his eyebrow once agian, still unconvinced.

"You and your friends may leave, Miss Granger." The four friends gratefully thanked the professor for letting them go. As soon as Snape was out of earshot, Ron said:  
"Wow Hermione, I can't believe you actually _lied_ to a teacher! I'm shocked at you!" The red haired boy smiled, mocking the muggleborn girl.

"Oh, stuff it Ronald."

* * *

**A/N: Yay for the long-ish chapter! I hope you enjoyed it and I beg you to review. Even 'That was stupid' or 'I loved it'. Really, I'm desparate. Haha, not really. But yeah, I like reviews, so don't forget to leave a review.**


	9. Tragic Past

Chapter 9- Tragic Past

**A/N: Yay for spring break! Because I have a week off (-sigh- only a week), I'll update more. Cheer, as this is the first update in April! Hooray!**

**This chapter will talk about a Mary Sue's so called 'tragic past' and how it, somehow, affects canon characters. Enjoy!**

* * *

For once, Harry, Ron and Ginny arrive at front of the classroom at the same time as Hermione does.

"So, my best buddy, Granger, what's the lesson for today?" Ron says, trying to sound suave but failing spectacularly. Ginny laughs, because she knows how silly Ron looks. Hermione, however, finds Ron kind of endearing.

"Well, Ron, today we shall be teaching about the Sue's alleged, but extremely cliched, 'tragic past'." Hermione says.

"As Hermione said, we'll be talking about the character's supposed horrible, terrible 'tragic' past," Harry jumps in to explain. It seems fitting that Harry speaks of this topic. "First off, in order for your character to have a 'tragic' past, it must somehow include: torture by Voldemort/torture by Voldemort towards parents while watching, rape, abuse, adopted by evil guardians, adopted by Lupin/Sirius/Snape/Voldemort (which, more often than not, turns out positively. Not that tragic, if you think about it)," Harry laughs to himself at his own little aside note, but nobody else finds him as funny, "watching parents get killed, parents killed in a tragic accident, usually a train or car accident, and etcetera. In short, the character's past is so dreadfully horrible and comletely terrible that nobody outside of the character can even begin to think about its terror." A solemn silence fills the room. The knowledge of these depressing things happening to others makes Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Ron feel a plethora of mixed emotions that they wouldn't be able to accurately explain.

Harry takes a deep breath to steady his composure; thinking about such depressing topics for even the shortest amount of time makes him feel sad. He goes on to explain: "For some reason, in her older years of Hogwarts, her classmates wonder about her family, and Mary Sue explains about her horrible, terrible and tragic past. Classmates are sympathetic and give her lots of support, saying how they will help her get over her tragic past. Mary Sue modestly says she will get over it by herself, but secretly cries about it in her room while cutting her wrists untill the point of passing out."

"She may also aquire a drug addiction, smoke cigarrettes compulsively or become 'gothic'/freakishly depressed. There is nothing to talk about lightly when someone is addicted to drugs, smokes or suffers from depression. That is definately not cool. It's just...dumb to write about a tragedy like what this 'character' of yours suffers without talking about how you can stop it to make the character look like a better character. Like I said before, it is not attractive, nor cute or funny to talk about depression in a light hearted manner." Before Harry angrily rants for any longer, Ginny starts talking.

"What Harry is trying to say is that if your character is depressed, slitting her wrists or copes with her tragic past with a smoking/drug addiction, do not in any way encourage it in the story, as destructive habits are nothing to be proud of. It hurts your body more than it helps you do anything," Ginny looks as if she's about to tear up, "another thing about the 'tragic past' plotline is that it should not be the only reason you write the fic. I say this because if the only plot in your story is about the tragic past of you character and how she gets over it, sooner or later, someone would complain about how boring your story is as there's so little going on." Ginny explains with a serious tone, knowing how deeply these topics can harm. Ron, feeling talkative, starts to speak.

"Ginny just finished speaking about how you should have a creative plotline. Me? I'll be talking about realism. Hypothectically..."

"Wow, Ron! I can't believe you used such a big word like 'hypothetically'!" Ginny says sarcastically.

"Shut up, Gin." Ron sounds genuinely offended, and Ginny really isn't sure why.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Ron, _never _call me 'Gin'!"

"Well, sorry! Like I was saying, let's say you have twenty chapters of a story already posted. Nineteen of your chapters include your character heavily complaing about her tragic past, probably crying, acting depressed, slitting her wrists, or smoking/taking drugs too. She won't suddenly heal because she falls in love with someone in chapter twenty. Realism is necessary, after all. Heavy description of your character coping with depression is a heavy topic. I cannot emphasize enough that these serious issues need to be talked about with the sensitivity they deserve, and using them for a cheap way to pull at heartstrings isn't what." Ginny rambles.

Ron jumps in to make Ginny's rambling sound more coherent. "Be creative! Make an original plot line for your story, too! Maybe your character travels the world due to her high-stress job and suddenly relapses into her depression, which would make sense to bring out her tragic past Also, be realistic. If someone close to your character dies on Monday, by Wednesday, they won't be completely over it."

"So, in conlusion, do as we said, and your tragic past story line will be interesting!" Harry says trying to wrap up the lesson.

"Hope you learned something! So long then." Hermione says, walking out of the room with Ginny, Ron and Harry close behind.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter seems more rant-y than normal. Oh well, still hope you like it. **

**Well, another chapter done. I feel proud for getting it up so quickly. CALLING ALL READERS! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	10. Marauder's Era

Chapter 10- Marauder's Era

**A/N: WOO! I finally hit the milestone tenth chapter::throws around confetti:: Ok, joking done. Instead of the usual Trio plus Ginny narrating, the Marauder's will be teaching this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**

Remus Lupin, werewolf and booksmart male, was studying after Potions in an empty classroom. It was quiet and he had his nose stuck in a book, studying hard. For some odd reason, Sirius Black, trickster extraordinaire, and handsome pureblood teen, took a seat next to Remus.

"What'cha doing, Moony?"

"Studying. Now go away, Sirius."

"Why should I go?"

"Because, unlike you, I _study_ for my classes."

"Hey! At least I'm passing!"

"Says the boy who thinks a 'Troll' is an acceptable passing grade."

"Shut up, Moony. That was one time!"

"Hey, hey, guys! No need to fight!" James Potter, black hair and hazel eyed teen, also friend of both Remus and Sirius, said, appearing out of thin air.

"Damnit James! Where did you come from?" Sirius exclaimed.

"A place. So what are you two doing here?"

"I think studying is out of the question with you two here." Remus closed his book.

"So, James, what do you want to do?" James smiles in a scary way, then answers:

"I'm going to teach authors to write a nice original character for their fanfiction."

"You are one weird dude, James."

"I don't care, Sirius. Just follow my lead. Ok, for those who care, I'll be teaching you about characters you want to create and written into the infamous Marauder's Era! These characters are otherwise known as the dreadful Mary Sue."

Remus laughs insanely.

"Good lord! James, _you_ want to teach?"  
Before the black haired boy could answer, a female with red hair and green eyes ran into the room, abruptly stopping when she was in the door way.

"I heard manaical laughing! Did James blow up another pillow from the dorms?"

"Lilikins!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Lily, Remus was laughing at me!" James whined, pouting childlishly.

"I'll bet Remus had a good reason."

"I just wanted to teach about Mary Sues!" Lily narrows her eyes.

"For once, I agree with you about teaching. James, go and teach about Marauder's Era!Sues. These crazy authors need the help."

Peter Pettigrew, an average, short, blonde haired boy casually walks by the room where Remus, Sirius, James and Lily are.

"What are you guys doing?"  
"Come here, Peter. I need to explain something to you."  
"Oh no! It's the birds and the bees!"  
"God, no. It's just about Mary Sues."  
"I have a bad feeling about this..."

"While Lily explains what a Mary Sue is to Sirius, Remus and Peter, I'm going to teach you about Mary Sues are like in this particular era. First off, my name is James Potter. I am a pureblood, meaning I am a pure wizard. Not half vampire, not a nymph or a werewolf, but a pureblooded wizard. I don't know what makes you think I'm any thing else but a wizard. Second off, Lily is a muggleborn. Why am I saying this? Because in alot of fanfiction, I am married to Lily and it seems we have a son, Harry. How I know this, just please don't ask."

"Since Lily is a muggleborn- not a pureblood or a half creature half human hybrid, but a muggleborn. That means our son Harry is a halfblood. You don't like that? Deal. Our son is Harry, just Harry. His full name is not Harold, nor does he have any older siblings, or a twin sister, meaning that he is an only child. For some reason, I think Lily and I die to protect Harry, so he can't have any younger siblings. He would go to Lily's sister Petunia's house to stay. I give my future son luck with that, as Petunia seems horrible. Well, that's just about all of the cliches I know about that include me."

As soon as James finishes, Lily finishes explaining about Mary Sues to Remus, Sirius and Peter. The three boys look extremely shocked.

"Let me say this: I'm Sirius Black, pureblood, from the Most Ancient House of Black,(I may not like it that much, but hey, I've gotta live somewhere) and you Suethors decide to pair me up with this...this, MARY SUE! Let me first say I would never date a girl who is named Aquamarine Topaz Flora Raven Yue Brown. She sounds like a hooker, personally."

"Just because I'm single and I'm great with with the ladies does _not_ mean I'd date Aquamarine Topaz Flora Raven Yue Brown. She may be exactaly like me personality wise but the only difference being the gender, than stop writing now! I am smarter than I look, you know. If you want to pair me up with somebody, give me a well rounded (no, not a girl with an hourglass figure!) female who is not shallow or a slut. It takes time to fall in love. Just because she has silver flecked purple eyes, a perfect figure and long, flowing blonde hair doesn't mean I'd like her the first second I see her"

Sirius goes to a corner so he can calm down.

"I'm Lily Evans, as you might know. Until Sirius calms down, I'llI be speaking about my experiance with Mary Sues. If you haven't noticed, my friends are not mentioned at all in the series or at least in flash backs. Remember, this is 1976 (when we are sixth years at least) and there is no way any of my friends are named Charelle, Catriona, Desiree, Rhinalle, Sitrion, Bambi, Kilreallin or LaTreanne. Since this is the seventies, my friends would most likely be named Kelly, Shannon, Jennifer, Mary, Alice, Julie, Rebecca or Lisa. "

"You might even get away with naming them Heather, Melissa or Angela, but those are the most complex names you can use without making them sound like a slut or something. I beg you to not have my friends' description of personality, clothes and looks longer than the actual chapter. It's not right!"

"Another thing, I'm a good student, so there's no way in heck that I'd be a prankster, jokester, troublemaker or rude to teachers. That also means my friends and I won't create a female Marauder's group and call ourselves something stupid like 'The Marauderettes'. Just don't do that. At least I think I'm smarter than that. It's also cruel and stupid.

"Secondly, these friends of mine won't force me to date James because they know James would never date them. If you decide to pair me with James, don't get my stupid friends to set up a blind date with him. It's too obvious. I'd go on, but it would take a bit too long." Lily looks at Peter expectantly.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Peter asks in a squeaky voice.

"Just talk about your tragedy with Mary Sues."

"Ok...Hi, I'm Peter Pettigrew. When ever a Mary Sue is mentioned in my era, it seems like I vanish! Sure, I may not be really handsome, exceptionally smart or extremely popular, but that doesn't mean I'm not Sirius, Remus and James' friend."

"I may be a Death-Eater in the future (don't ask me how I know that, just don't) but that doesn't happen yet! I'm still a good kid back in the school days. Just because it's pretty much my fault Lily and James die, and I frame Sirius, thus making him go to Azkaban for thirteen years doesn't mean I'm a horrible, terrible, bullying kid!"

"Wait, _you_ kill Lily and me? _You_ send Sirius to Azkaban?" James asks incredulously.  
"Yeah, that's what this book says." Peter hands James a book called 'Harry Potter Canon and How to Apply it To Your Story'. James flips through it, on the verge of tears.

"It's just that horrible to read, isn't it?"

"No, I just can't believe you, Peter, of all people would have the guts to be on the same side as You-Know-Who, kill Lils and me, and frame Sirius!" James laughs cruelly.

"Sorry to sound mean, Pete, but I just can't imagine it."

"Well, I can't either." Peter agrees.

"Let me make my 'Mary Sue' rant quick so we can get out of here." Remus says. "I'm Remus, and I'm a werewolf, as you may know. I won't use that as an excuse for people, especially pretty females, to pity me.

"Hell, the only people who know about my lycanthropy are James, Peter, Lily and Sirius! My name may be a famous Roman twin (Romulus was Remus' twin in mythology. They were raised by wolves.) but that doesn't mean I have a long lost twin.

"I am the only person who is a creature, meaning that Sirius, Peter, and James only will be able to be animals is when they are in their Animagus form. That is all and goodbye."

Remus, like he says, gets his books and leaves the room.

"I think we covered just about everything." Peter says.

"Yup." Sirius agrees.  
"Ok, people, this lesson is _over_!" Lily says, also leaving the room. Peter, James and Sirius follow her suite.

* * *

Fast forward to the Trio's time. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny, convientely, all have free periods at the same time and are relaxing in their normal free classroom.  
"Hey, Harry, aren't we supposed to be teaching a Mary Sue lesson?" Ron asks. 

"I know we are, but I have no ideas currently." Harry answers.

"Hey look! It's lesson ten!" Ginny exclaimes.

"Oh right! These lessons are only supposed to last to the number ten!" Hermione says.

"Ron, you idiot! Why did you choose _ten_ steps? There are many types of Sues we never got to cover!" Ginny says in an angered tone.

"Like I said in the first chapter, the reason I chose ten steps because ten is a cool number. I said if there was anything better to talk about, we'd talk about it!"  
Harry, Hermione and Ginny are completely silent.

"Do any of you have any ideas? I sure as heck don't." Like before, the three other friends are silent.

"Exactaly. None of you have anything better."

"Shut up, Ron. Just because you started this Mary Sue crap doesn't mean you get to decide what we think!" Ginny screams.

"You shouldn't be talking, you whore!"

"How _dare_ you call Ginny a whore!" Harry yells defensively.

Hermione then mutters:  
"What did I do to desearve this?" and then quickly thinks:

'_I wonder when this will end...'_

Before any more pandemonium starts, the scene fades to black.

* * *

**A/N: LOOK! What a long chapter! All I ask of you is to review.**

**Yes, I know this is the fated tenth and last chapter. But do not fear, I have one more idea for this story, so this story will not be over yet. **

**If you are feeling generous, you can give me an idea as to what other lessons can be featured in this story. Like I said before, don't be afraid to give me a long review!**


	11. Student Transfers

Chapter 11- American Transfer

**A/N: Hey look! It's chapter 11, oh my god, like I promised. This is about that dreaded 'American Sue transfers from some exotic place (usually America) in the Trio's sixth or seventh year' plotline.

* * *

**

Hermione storms into the normal empty classroom, angered. It is unknown what she is angry about.

"Harry, Ron, Ginny, I'm-"

Hermione stops dead in her tracks, to see an unknown female sitting in a chair, reading.

She was unnaturally pretty, with long, straight light brown hair, with natural blonde highlights. Her hair fell to her back in cascading waves. This girl's eyes were blue, with silver flecks. (Wait, _silver flecks_? How can that be possible?) Her presence gave off an intelligent, but friendly, aura. to Hermione did not know how your presence alone could create an 'aura', but the bushy haired girl didn't exactaly care. She was slim, but still somehow managed to have perfect curves in all of the right places.

"I'm sorry to sound rude, but who are you?"

"Hello! My name is Ophelia April Jayacinth Desdemona Rhianna Schizop'hrenia Ebony Gabrielle Amy LaElles. You can call me Kat, though."

"That's an...interesting name. I'm Hermione Granger."

"That's a nice name." Kat says absently.

All of a sudden, Kat looks at Hermione in an odd manner.

"What? Is there a stain on my shirt or something?" Hermione looks at her shirt, looking ferociously for a stain.

"No, silly! I want to give you a makeover."

The bushy haired girl takes on a shocked look. In her spare time, she read fanfiction, as to how, would remain a mystery.

At times, Hermione would come across a particularly bad story where the author paired Hermione with Draco Malfoy. If that wasn't horrid enough, she had a makover from her 'American Cousin/Transfer', a.k.a the most evil Sue to ever to walk the face of the fandom, where Hermione ended up looking like a hot skank. Malfoy would insult her, Ron, Harry and Ginny as always, and would gloat that he was the Head Boy of Slytherin. Hermione, unsurprisingly, would be Head Girl of Gryffindor. Draco would take one look at Hermione's new unexplained beauty, and would immidiately throw himself at beautiful!Hermione's feet. Ron, even though huge hints have been written in the series that he is smitten with Hermione, doesn't seem to care that their arch enemy loves his best friend. Harry seems to be on the same page as Ron. Draco and Hermione would fight, slowly falling in love. As the story ends, Draco and Hermione are each others 'Twoo Wuvs' and make out constantly. In an equally horrid sequal, Hermione would be pregnant with Draco's babies, while Draco would be a super hot, super rich businessman or a super evil, highly ranked Death Eater, but was still able to love Hermione with all of his unknown heart.

All in all, American Transfer Sue was scary.

"I-it's fine. I like myself the way I am." Hermione may not have been the most gorgeous girl in school, nor the sluttiest or curvyiest, but she had liked herself anyways, as she was unique, and loved the way she was.

"Oh, nonsense! Wouldn't you like to look like me?" Kat posed, showing off her curvy, but remarkably skinny, body.

Her long, cascading brown and blonde highlighted locks were flowing in an nonexistant wind, blue flecked silver eyes shining. A loud, metallic shriek left Hermione's lips, and, ever so suddenly, Ron, Harry and Ginny appeared.

"What's wrong, Hermione?" Ginny asks, concerned.

"SUE!" Ron, Ginny and Harry gasp in utter shock.

"You! Why are you tormenting Hermione?" Ron snarled, in a slightly out of character anger.

"I don't know you!" Kat screamed.

"I'm Ron Weasley, and I want you to leave. NOW!"

"But you don't even know me."

As Ron starts to hyperventilate, Harry decides to start to calm his flame haired friend. Harry, Ginny timidly walks up to the Sue.

"I'm sorry about my brother. He heard Hermione scream and automatically thought she was in trouble. He's smitten with her, but she doesn't even know it. I'm his sister, Ginny, just so you know for next time."

"Hi Ginny. I'm Ophelia April Jayacinth Desdemona Rhianna Schizop'hrenia Ebony Gabrielle Amy LaElles. My friends in America call me Kat."

"Wow, you're from America?" Ginny asks, awe struck. _Wait...why do I feel like I've been through this before? Deja vu, I guess. _The red head thinks, knowing she's probably been in a fanfic like this.

"Yup! I just figured out I'm a witch, even though I'm sixteen. I got Sorted with the first years, and I'm a Gryffindor, obviously. Even though I just started, I should be a first year, but since I'm sixteen, Professor Dumbledore put me in sixth year. I mean, a sixteen year old shouldn't be in first year!" Suelogic was remarkably stupid, let me tell you...

Harry had just finished calming down Ron, and grabbed Ginny's wrist.

"Ixnay in the alkingtay ithway hethay Uesay." Harry whispers in Pig Latin.

"What?"

"Stop talking with the Sue! We have to teach our lesson."

"But Kat won't leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry to say this, but you have to distract Kat and get her out of here! Take her on a 'tour of the school', so we don't raise suspicion that we know she's a living, breathing Sue!"

Ginny swallows hard, and reluctantly agree to tour Kat around the school.

"Come on Kat, let me show you around school."

"Will there be hot boys?"

"Sure...as far as the eye can see."

"Ok, I'm in."

As soon as Kat and Ginny left, Harry, Ron and Hermione let out a sigh of relief.

"Today's lesson is about the dreaded Transfer Sue." Hermione explains, still a bit shocked from the vile Sue.

"Normally, a Transfer character is sent to Hogwarts for no explained reason. About ninety percent of the time, this character is American. She is usually in the same year as us, (Ron, Harry and I) even though she has no magical experiance, and is in Gryffindor. Her friends transfer as well, usually also American. Alot of the time, this character is the author of the story, and the character's friends are the author's real life friends. This character makes me look like an idiot in class, because apparantly, she's so smart and 'OMG TEH SPESHUL!1!!'. Sometimes, I look like a workaholic with no life out side of doing homework."

"Harry (and occasionally Ron, Draco or any other random supposed good looking male in our year) turns into a bumbling, lovesick puppy around one of the characters, because this character is so irresistably gorgeous, cute or snoggable. Ron's shocking character change varies from each Suethor's point of view. She might even give Neville a boost of confidence with the girls in the rare situation he's ever included in the story. Most of the time, he's in character and burning cauldrons. I do not see the point of these atrocities authors call their characters, but it seems like these characters are wish fulfillment, thus having no point in them existing anyways."

Ron adds to Hermione's statement by saying:

"I personally think that these...creations were made so that the author and her dork friends get to go to an alleged fictional magical school in Scotland. They do this because A.) they know their lives are boring and B.) these girls want to make out with actors who play certain characters. These interesting Sues are also here to bash Ginny for being a 'slut' and Hermione because I like her."

Harry looks confused, but says:

"Transfers are deadly, to say the least. They are over described, as in everything, including hair, eyes, to what each of her friends are wearing down to their panties. Did we cover everything?"

Ron and Hermione nod, indicating that they have indeed covered all of the things necessary.

"Thanks for your time listening to our Mary Sue lesson. Now, let's go catch Ophelia Jayacinth what's-her-face, and pray to the Lord above that Ginny hasn't suffered to hard."

The threesome leave the room so that they could catch the evil Sue.

* * *

**A/N: Woo! Long chapter. That means that you should give me a nice, long review. If you decide to not log in, can you leave an e-mail address, so I can answer your questions? If you are unconfortable with leaving your e-mail, tell me your fanfiction account name (if you have one) so I can PM you. I'm running out of ideas for chapter ideas. Anybody have anything to pitch, please leave it in a review.**

**Also, any resemblance to actual Dramione stories like the one I mentioned is completely coincidental and unintended by the author (me) to be mean. Secondly, if the Sue I used in this chapter resembles your character in any way, is completely coincidental and not intended to be like any character. So no flames saying 'Oh my god, you are bashing my character! You are such a hateful, heartless bitch for personally attacking my character!' I meant no harm whatsoever.**

**Yeah, I beg and plead you for a review, which only takes thirty seconds to do, maybe even one whole minute if it's longer.**


	12. Self Inserts

Self Insert

**A/N: The self insert chapter, in which things are explained in a way anybody could understand. This might be a bit repetitive, so be warned.

* * *

**

Hermione, Ginny, Ron and Harry are all in their normal empty classroom, doing homework. Even though it was Friday afternoon, these four friends dilligentely work to finish.

"Finally, I finished Snape's bloody essay." Harry exclaims.

"That's nice." Hermione says absently.

"So, shall we start the lesson?" Ron asks.

"I think we should. Hermione knows the topic for today, so ask her." Ginny replies.

"Today's topic is about self inserts. This is easy to explain. Self inserts pretty much explain themselves--usually, an author puts herself into our universe as one of our classmates." Hermione explains cooly.

"A good percent of the time, these characters violently rape and twist canon so that these Sue of an insert and her friends can exist with ease." Ron adds.

"Ron! Watch your language!"

"What, now I can't say 'violently'?"

Hermione rubs her temples in exasperation.

"Anyways, as Ron said, self inserts are when authors use themselves into fanfiction and they are perfect in every way. These 'characters' are unoriginal, meaning that they are: smartest in every class, (smarter than I am alot of the time), beautiful, learn things unusually fast, etcetera." Hermione explains, this time sounding a bit angered.

"This is probably a bit irrelevant, but a self insert usually introduces things that do not exist or work in the Wizarding World (these items may not even have existed yet in this time period!), which include iPods, laptops, certain brands of clothing and cell phones." Harry adds. As if on a unrehersed cue, the Mary Sue from the last chapter appears, crying.

"Ophelia April Jayacinth Desdemona Rhianna Schizop'hrenia Ebony Gabrielle Amy LaElles! What are you doing back?" Ginny asks, shocked she remembered the girl's unnaturally long name.

"I don't know why I'm here! First Draco Malfoy insulted me for no apparant reason and then the entire Slytherin house threw rotten tomatoes at me!" The Sue sobbed.

"Aww, poor baby! The Slytherins hate you, boo freaking hoo! Let's have a pity party for Kat because she's not popular!" Ron sneers. Ginny, Hermione and Ron end up chasing the Sue out of the room, knowing she has no purpose in this chapter. Harry quickly says:

"That's all for today's lesson! Remember: never insert youself into a fictional story when you know you shouldn't! See you next lesson!" Harry runs out of the room to catch up with Hermione, Ginny and Ron.

* * *

**A/N: Not too proud of this chapter, but at least I have something down. Shorter than normal, if you haven't noticed. Please review! **


	13. Daughters

Daughters

**A/N: The title doesn't say much, but this chapter is about the alleged daughter's of Voldemort/Sirius/Remus/Dumbledore/any other random adult in the series and why they are wrong/won't ever work in a million years. Also, I apologize in advance if I get ages/timelines wrong.

* * *

**

Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione are panting heavily, as they had just finished chasing Kat the Sue around the whole school in a lame attempt to get her to leave the Trio and Ginny alone. As they catch their breath, Hermione explains the topic for the lesson:

"Today, you shall be learning about children. Not just any children, but daughters. To be more specific, the daughter's of Voldemort-" Ron and Ginny flinch at the sound of You-Know-Who's real name, "oh, honestly! It's just a name! As I was saying, we shall be learning about the daughter's of You-Know-Who, Sirius, Professor Lupin and Professor Dumbledore. Since none of these people would show up themselves to talk about it, Ron, Harry, Ginny and I will do the honors. So, to start this lesson off, Harry will talk on the behalf of Professor Dumbledore."

"Thanks, Hermione. I'll be talking on Dumbledore's behalf. Ok, so why in the world would Dumbledore of all people have a daughter? He's too old to be a father to a girl of sixteen. At most, he'd be a grandfather, seeing how old he is. If he was a grandfather, then he could _possibly_ have a granddaughter.

"Her name would not be Alba, which is a stupid name anyways. She would also not be Japanese, where you got that idea from is idiotic, so the names Yumi, Eri, Ayame, Ritsu, Hinata, Kisa or anything else. He's also not married and as far as I know, has no kids, so him being a grandfather is out of the question."

Harry finishes, and Ginny takes over.

"I'm going to speak on the behalf of Professor Lupin. Why people write Lupin with kids is beyond me. He is not married, first off, so he can't have a daughter. Also, he's a werewolf, and, if you didn't know, werewolves are considered 'dangerous' and ergo, cannot have kids. Lupin's daughter will not be sent to her mother in some exotic place so she can be safe. That said mother will not die, and giving the daughter a chance to agnst about her dead mother. And Sirius won't get together with Professor Lupin and having some odd, werewolf-dog hybrid child. That's just sick. (Besides, becoming a werewolf is not hereditary!)"

"He would not name his daughter Selene- before I go on, that right there is a dumb pun. He's a werewolf and 'Selene' means 'moon'! That's so not clever, just so you know. That also means Lupin's daughter would not be named Diana, Luna, Selena, Star, Moona, or any moon like name.

"Another name thing, he would not call his daughter something freaky exotic, like Araly, Zita, Cooper, Salrilia, or Darnetina. Katherine (and other variations) is a nice name, but I doubt he'd name his daughter that. Besides, Lupin's not even married!"

"Finally, this girl won't go to Hogwarts, be in either my year or Ron, Harry or Hermione's instant best friends.Thats all, thank goodness."

Ginny sits back, proud of herself, showing she has finished.

"Since Ron wouldn't want to do this and Harry already spoke, I'll speak on the behalf of Professor Snape. Professor Snape, like Professor Lupin, is not married and therefore, would not have a child anyways.

"That means he didn't get either Lily Evans (Harry's mother), a random girl from his school years or me (of all people though, seriously!) pregnant with his child. Before I go on, I'd like to say that I am extremely offended that you would pair me up with the greasy, git of a Potions Master! I would not ever, in a million years, date him, marry him or bare his child. Sure, I'd love to get married, and be pregnant with my true love's child, but never Snape."

The four teens in the room shudder at the thought of Hermione of all people dating a teacher, much less Snape.

"Like I was saying before, his daughter would not be named Raven. I mean, why would you name your daughter after a flipping bird is what I'd like to know. Like Harry said on Dumbledore's daughter thing, this girl won't have a Japanese first name. Lastly, she won't become instant best friends with me, Ron, Harry and Ginny, fall madly in love with Harry or Ron. She'd most likely be a Slytherin anyways!"

Lastly, Ron starts speaking on Sirius' behalf:

"I want to make this thing quick. Sirius is not married, and, as far as I'm concerned, didn't have a steady girlfriend. He graduated school, if I'm not mistaken, around 1978 and was put in Azakaban in late 1981 or early 1982. That's about three years he's been out of school and would not be able to get married, and have a kid.

"Besides, he's around seventeen or eighteen years old around 1978, and at that age, you would not get married and have a kid. If you would, in my opinion, that means you are crazy. He would not get together with Lupin and have half dog, half wolf hybrid children, like Ginny said earlier. That is just weird. He also would not get together with some random, beautiful and buxom blonde supposedely from school. That's all I've got to say."

Ron finishes and waits for his sister and friends to say something. There is an awkward silence in the room.

"So, is the lesson over or what?" Harry asks loudly, breaking the silence.

"Sure, yeah, whatever." Ginny replies, and leaves the room. Hermione, Ron and Harry follow.

* * *

In an unknown damp and creepy cave, somewhere far away from Hogwarts, a bald, snake looking man with red eyes and a black cape is sitting at a desk. 

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who, the Dark Lord Voldemort was the man we all love to hate, was staring at a computer screen. How he got a Muggle device in his lair, let alone knowing how to use it, is and forever will be a mystery.

"Bellatrix!" Voldemort commands. Bellatrix obeys, and stands by the snake man in a stiff manner.

"What did you want, My Lord?"

"Read this."

Looking sceptical, the blonde Death Eater female scans the words on the screen, then laughs.

"What kind of idiot would like this drivel? Come on, the title of this 'story' is called 'Voldarmart's Secret Daoughter'! Two of the three words in that title is spelled wrong! Now that is pathetic!"

"The summary: 'Amaya Raven Yumi Dark'ness Riddle is a transfer student from Beauxbatons who goes to Hogwarts. She has a dark secret...her father is Lord Voldemort. NOT a Mary Sue. Srry sotry is betr than sumry, plz R&R thnx NO FLAMES!!'." Bellatrix snorts, and goes into a hysterical laughter.

As He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named reads on with the story, he stops to speak angrily.

"I cannot bare to read a story where my name is constantly misspelled. Come on! It's not so hard to spell: V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T. There. Was that so damn hard to do?" The Dark Lord, reluctantly reads more of the atrocious story.

"Amaya Whats-her-face's mother is **_not_** that Mudblood Lily Evan's, nor is it Narcissia Malfoy, nor is it yours, Bella." Voldemort then mutters under his breath- _'idiot authors'_

"What the--my daughter would _not _associate with that half blood, _Potter_," He spits out Harry's name with major disdain, "Granger the mudblood," The Dark Lord shutters at Hermione's name, "and that blood traitor Weasley, nor will she ever fall in love with Potter or Weasley. That is truely disgusting to ever think a thought like that." Lestrange agrees. As Voldemort rants to Bellatrix, and the scene fades to black.

* * *

**A/N: If you couldn't tell, I hate Snape/Hermione. It's unberably unrealistic, and personally, makes me barf. I mean, Snape is old enough to be Hermione's father! Unless you have a kick ass story you want to give me the title/link to, then there's no way in heck I'd read that pairing. Anyways, this was sort of--ranty. Oh well... So yeah, like always, please review! **

**Oh yes, any relation to the 'fic' I mentioned, is created by me, influeced by many authors who want to write the cliche 'OmG!!!11!!!1oneone!!!1 Voldeywart haz a daghter!!!11moo!!!1 She'z in hOGWarTs and has a drak zecret!!!1!1barkoneoneeleventyoneshift!!!!!!'' story line. **

**Please, do not take offence if the story has any resemblance to yours, as it's a parody, and meant to be funny/educational. The OOC'ness is also intended, so yeah...**


	14. Villains and Evil

Villains

**A/N: It's been awhile since I've updated, I know! I had extensive writer's block and standardizing testing is just pure evil. So, this chapter's about villain sies! Enjoy!

* * *

**

Ron, Harry, Ginny and Hermione are in their normal empty classroom, either studying or eating lunch. Ginny looks quite bored with herself.

"Ginny, what's wrong?" Hermione asks with a hint of concern in her voice.

"Why can't we start the lesson already?" Ginny whined.

"The lesson for today is..." Before Hermione could even finish, Ron turned off the lights, took out a Muggle flashlight (how he ever managed to obtain a flashlight, being a pureblood and all, will remain a mystery) and cackled:

"Villains!"

"Villains?" Harry, Hermione and Ginny asked curiously.

"Villains! They usually have a terribly tragic past, usually connected with You-Know-Who torturing and killing the person's parents. It actually affects them, sometimes causing them to want revenge on him, thus going on our side to help and defeat him, thinking it's revenge. She eventually wins, with little of Harry's help. She may even get tied up and gagged in You-Know-Who's 'lair' and possibly get tortured to get information out of her. Since she has powers that greater than a full grown witch or wizard, she does some unknown wandless magic to get herself free from the evil Dark Lord. "

"There is a second scenario with the villain or evil sue, usually the sue being either in fifth, sixth or seventh year in Hogwarts, depending on which year the author wants the story to be set in. She, for reasons not fully explained, is a Death Eater at fifteen/sixteen/seventeen years old, sent by You-Know-Who to find ways to defeat Harry once and for all."

"She is obviously a Slytherin and is friends with Draco and his goons, occasionally with Pansy Parkinson. Pansy isn't really present to be 'friends' as she's portrayed as an annoying, fawning slut. Over time, Sue and Harry fall in love and live happily ever after because Sue changes from the Dark side to the Light, and helps Harry, Hermione, Ginny and I to defeat You-Know-Who. Sue may or may not have a love triangle with Malfoy and Harry, depending on which actor the author loves more." Ron takes a deep breath after much explaining and relaxes off to the side.

Harry looks offended to think he would be willingly and happily paired with a _Mary Sue_. He shudders at the thought.

"Like many Mary Sues," Hermione adds, " they have long hair that cascades to their waist in perfect waves. It's described as being either 'raven black', 'dark as the night sky', 'black as soot' or something else just as poetically cliche. Her eyes are usually 'blue as the ocean', 'silver/violet flecked blue', 'blue, like uncried tears'. They can also be 'steely gray', 'stormy' or something else cliche or unusual."

"Her body is one of her few defining traits, besides being a Slytherin and possibly a Death Eater, she is skinny enough to be anorexic, but still 'has curves in all of the right places'. She is absolutely, stunningly _beautiful_ to the point where it seems unhealthy."

"The Sue's name is the worst part of the whole story." Ginny adds, as Hermione breaths from ranting. "Her name, about nine out of ten times, is 'Raven' or any variation, which includes but not limited to: 'Reyvin', 'Raeven', 'Raivien', and so on. 'Darkness' and 'Shadow' may be incorporated as one of her names, as 'Coal' could be too. Since Evil!Sue is a pureblood, she might also be named after a constellation, 'Cassiopeia', 'Lyra' and 'Pyxis' being some examples. She also has many unique titles, like Lady Voldemort-" Ginny shudders at 'Voldemort' as does Ron. Harry and Hermione are unfazed.

"So, with that being said, this lesson is over! So long everybody, and don't forget to stay tuned for the next Mary Sue lesson!" Harry says enthusiastically as the room fades to black.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, short chapter, I know. At least I updated right?**

** I need reviews like I need food or oxygen. So please review! Telling your friends to read and review would also be nice. Also, I'm running out of ideas. Care to pitch in? Thanks! **


	15. Quidditch

Quidditch

**A/N: I would like to apologize in advance if this chapter is stupid, or weird, as I've been sick with a horrible cold for the past two days and my brain isn't working so well.

* * *

**

Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Harry, are, as per usual were relaxing in their usual empty classroom and, all of a sudden, there was a loud banging at the door. Harry stood up to see who was at the door. It's somebody he never would think he'd see again.

"Oliver Wood? What the _heck _are you doing here?"

"Yeah, didn't you graduate...three years ago?" Ron asks, clearly confused. Wood was panting heavily, indicating that he did a lot of running.

"Hide me!" Oliver screamed, and dove behind a couch.

"What are you running from, exactly?" Hermione asks a worried Oliver. He looks around nervously, and then stands up.

"Crazy, rabid Suethors who want to pair me with their Mary Sue characters. The most horrible thing is that in some stories- I'm forced to _marry _them!" Harry, Ron and Ginny gasp in horror, while Hermione looks utterly shocked.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver." Hermione apologizes with a sincerely sorry look.

"Not your fault, Granger, nothing to be sorry about." Suddenly, many shrieks of laughter could be heard, and Oliver panicked, thus hiding behind the same couch he did before. There was two girls at the front of the room, namely in the doorway.

The first girl has an intelligent aura to her, the only reason being that she's wearing glasses. Her heart shaped face is warm and kind, with flecks of freckles. Behind the glasses are cerulean eyes, nearly hidden by chestnut brown bangs. Her shimmering chestnut brown hair falls to her shoulders in perfect waves. She is wearing a purple, short sleeved shirt, with a white, long sleeved under shirt to give off a nice layered look. A bright orange star is plastered on the chest of her shirt. She is skinny enough to be anorexic, but still manages to have curves in all of the right places. This pretty looking female smells of strawberries and cream. She is wearing a knee length denim skirt, showing off perfect legs.

The second girl is taller than the first girl. These two females seem to be friends. Her coal black hair was tied up in a braid, which reached the small of her back. Her eyes were of an unusual color- they were violet flecked gray blue, and gave her a mysterious aura, making her seem intriguing. She has a streak of silver in her hair, and a tattoo of a star on her cheek, making her look tough. The female is wearing a plain white shirt, with blue jeans, showing off a perfectly curvy figure. She smells of roses.

"Hello! I'm Michelle Preston, and that over there is Darcy Russell. We're looking for an Oliver Wood. Happen to see him around?" Michelle asked brightly.

"Sorry, Michelle, but Oliver graduated, three years ago. We're just here to study." Ginny said, only half lying.

"Oh, sorry to have bugged you. We'll be leaving now." Michelle said.

As soon as both Michelle and Darcy left, Ginny managed to say:

"Oliver, the coast is clear!" He stood up and cleared his throat, trying to manage to sound 'macho'. Frankly, it doesn't work that well.

"So, what brings you here on this fine, sunny day?" Ron asks Oliver.

"You're teaching about Sues, or that's what I've heard."  
"Yes, you heard correct. Why do you want to know?" Hermione asks, before Ron says anything.

"I'm here to help you teach about Sues." Oliver answers, with an oddly maniacal glint in his eye.

Hermione looks taken aback, while Ron and Harry look oddly amused.

"Okay then. You, Oliver Wood, are a temporary teacher of the Sues. Well, for this lesson anyways." Ginny says, acting as if she was a queen bestowing a knight an award of chivalry.

"I know what we can teach about today!" Oliver said, as if he was a small child who knew the answer to a hard question.

"And what would that be?" Hermione asks.

"Quidditch!"

"Quidditch?" Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny repeat, confused.

"Haven't you noticed the many Sues who try out for the team and make it? They also may or may not fall in love with me, Fred or George Weasley." As if on cue, Fred and George, twins and elder brothers to Ron and Ginny, enter the room with a bang.

"Did some one..."

"Mention our names?"

"Stop finishing each other's sentences! It's creepy!"  
"I'll say." Yet another female agreed. She was leaning on Oliver as if he was a wall.

"Bell! Why are you stalking me?"  
"It's not _stalking_ per say, I'm just _following_ you." Oliver rolls his eyes

"Lets get on with the lesson..."

"What are you talking about? 'Lesson'? Since when could _you _teach, Ollie?" Katie joked, sarcastically.

"Please stop talking, Katie."  
"Fine, no need to be picky."

There was an awkward silence.

"On with the lesson..." Oliver started. Hermione starts off the lesson with:

"In Quidditch, from what I've seen, does not need for the female player, if there is any females on the team, to wear make-up or nice clothes. It's a sport, not a date. Nobody cares if you are wearing something nice, as you're most likely going to ruin it anyways."

Hermione finishes her relatively short rant, while Oliver adds something:

"I only appear in these guys," He pointed to Harry, Ron and Hermione, "first three years of school, and after that, I'm a professional Quidditch player, so that means that I won't come back to Hogwarts as the new flight instructor." Katie, still leaning on Oliver, feigns sadness.

"I can't believe you won't be coming back!" Katie whines.

"You best believe it, Kates, I'm two years older than you!"  
"What does age have to do with anything?"  
"I like to say that." Oliver smiled cheekily.

"Since my buddy Ollie-"  
"_Don't call me that!_"  
"Oh, shut it! Anyways, since Ollie said something, I get to as well. Contrary to popular belief, male Quidditch players don't have huge muscles or a six pack. Quidditch is a game played in the air, and doesn't require much. Well, it does, but a lot of the time, its just trying to dodge bludgers and quaffles on the broomstick, but that's about it."

"Chasers and Beaters might have good throwing arms, a near perfect aim and super sharp reflexes, but that's about the only gain. Oliver here is a maniac, and forces the whole team to stretch and do all of these exercises, so maybe, the Gryffindor team gets a good workout!" Katie laughs.

"I am _not _a maniac!"  
"It's really true, Ollie. The first step to overcoming your obsession is admitting to it." Fred says, out of nowhere.

"Harry, am I a maniac?" Harry looks as if he doesn't want to answer, but does anyways.  
"I'm sorry, Wood, but it's true." Before anybody could say anything else, Michelle and Darcy bashed down the door.

"AHA! THERE YOU ARE!" Darcy yelled.  
"YOU ABANDONED US, OLIVER ANDREW WOOD, HOW DARE YOU!?" Michelle yelled just as loudly as Darcy.

Fred and George snickered.

"Andrew?"

"Enjoy your fan club of Mary Sues, Oliver, I won't be there to help you like the last time!" Katie said, as Oliver, Darcy and Michelle all ran out of the room. The scene fades to black as everybody decides to leave.

* * *

**A/N: Michelle Preston makes her second apperance in a fanfiction story! Her debut is in a story called 'Love within a Bet', my first ever completed story. Go read it if you want to read more about Michelle, but at your own risk. I'm proud of LWB, seeing as it's in a C2, but I only keep it for novelty, as it's really just bad. Michelle's personality and looks have been changed for this story, seeing as she has to be an implied Mary Sue. **

**Ha, this chapter is unnecessarily long. Oh well, long is good, so no harm really done. Anyways, please review!**


	16. Family

Family

**A/N: I -finally- graduated middle school! High school, here I come! **

**-cowers in fear-**

* * *

Harry is in the normal room, waiting impatiently for Hermione, Ron and Ginny. His patience runs thin, and ends up not waiting for them.

"Ron, Hermione and Ginny aren't here yet, as you can tell. I'm not going to wait, because this lesson needs to be taught. So, this lesson is about family. A family usually consists of parents, siblings and, of course, your main character. Aunts, uncles, and cousins are also parts of the family, but stories do not have to focus on them if you don't think it's necessary. Pets, like cats, dogs or fish, can be included in the family as well."

"When writing a family, you should remember this: they don't have to be super special or anything. Why do I say this? Well, there are writers with a main character Mary Sue, and soon decide to talk about her family. Sometimes, people start to think: 'Hey! My character is super special, so why not create a super special family?'"

"What writers don't realize is that normal families are okay to write about. The main character's mother does not have to be fashionable, the father doesn't have to be a deadbeat, evil or oblivious to the world, or dorky. Mary Sue's younger sister doesn't have to be a super-genius eight year old, while the eldest brother doesn't have to be a Quidditch star/addict. It's okay to have a pesky younger brother, a wise, kind, but strict, parent and a know-it-all sister."

"Here's a good tip: your character does not have to be a pureblood. I say this because very little of the wizarding world is truly of a pureblood lineage. You the writer don't have to be ashamed to write about a half-blood character (look at me--I'm a half-blood!) or a Muggleborn. Heck, challenge yourself to write a main character who's a Squib! It's not a rule demanding that every character you write is a pureblood, or that half-bloods and Muggleborns are stupid and not worthy of being characters." As soon as Harry finishes speaking, Hermione alone walks in the door.

"Where's Ron and Ginny, Hermione?" Harry asks Hermione suddenly.

"I was walking with them just a second ago, it's like they just dissappeared."  
"That's odd."

"Yes, it is. So, what's the Sue topic for now?"  
"Family. Take a look at what I've talked about so far." Harry, for some unknown reason, has all of what he said about the family topic written down and gives it to Hermione. She then skims the paragraphs quickly.

"Good choice of topic, Harry." Harry smiled at Hermione's comment.

"Okay...Since Harry has talked about a good lot of what Family!Sues are about, I'll talk about my backround."  
"Hermione, why do you need to do that? Everybody should know that you're a Muggleborn, whose parents are nonmagical dentists and that you have no siblings."

"Yes, Harry, I know _you _already know this, but these authors don't seem to."

"Okay, I'll let you do it, as long as people learn something."

Hermione takes a breath, and then smiles.

"Hi, I'm Hermione Granger, as you already might know. I'm a Muggleborn, with both my parents alive, and working hard as dentists. I have no siblings at all. Why am I introducing myself? Well, there are a whole lot of authors who think it's 'cool' or 'interesting' to change my family and backround for their story. Mostly, they make me a pureblood, re-sorted into Slytherin and sometimes even related to Blaise Zabini. Usually, I'm also friends with some Slytherin girls, occasionally including Daphne Greengrass or Pansy Parkinson. "

"I'm also paired with Draco Malfoy, but before we fall in love and 'live happily ever after' we fight for about two paragraphs, maybe a chapter or two, but it's always true love in the end. Our 'families' arrange a marrige between us sometimes in other badly written plot devices to get Malfoy and I together quicker."

"Ron, Ginny and Harry are bashed in a shamefully unintelligent manner, which makes absolutely no sence to me whatsoever, because it has been canonically proven hundreds of times over that we are friends. Yes, we've all fought, but that doesn' t mean we'd stop being friends. Anyway, I am usually Head Girl, as well as Malfoy being Head Boy, which give off a small shimmer of hope to canon, but that little glimmer of hope for canon to be intact is shattered when Malfoy and I share a Head dorm."

Both Harry and Hermione shudder at the thought of Hermione sharing a dorm with Malfoy.

"Besides, it is canonically proven there are two heads per house. Ron is the Head Boy, alongside me, the Head Girl. Itis not possible for Malfoy and I to share a dorm, because, first off, we are in different houses and genders. Gryffindors and Slytherins do not mix personality wise also, if you haven't noticed in the books."

"Secondly, why in the heck would two different students from two houses share a single dorm? It has not been stated in the books that Heads from separate houses share dorms, if Heads even get their own separate dorms from their own housmates."

"Okay, Hermione, you did excellently! Now, you should just calm down, while I go into my backround." Harry explains, while Hermione looks confused.

"Why in the world would you of all people need to talk about your backround? If they read your book series, all of your family history's been talked about!" Hermione says, incredulous.

"Like you said, people like to change my family history to make me or their story more 'interesting'."

"Just explain already!"

"Okay, fine, no need to be snippy! Anyways, I'm Harry Potter. I defeated Voldemort-" Harry waited for someone to flinch, or say 'You can't say his name!'. He then remembered he was with Hermione, who didn't mind so much about saying 'Voldemort',

"You-Know-Who...as a baby, leaving me with the ever famous lightning bolt scar. Yes, I am the only Boy-Who-Lived, meaning that I have no siblings, so it is impossible for my nonexistant brother or sister to be the actual Boy-Who-Lived or the Girl-Who-Lived. It has been mentioned many times in the series that I am an only child. If you can pull off the 'Oh my god, Harry has a long, lost twin sister!' or 'Harry's brother is really the Boy-Who-Lived' plotline, then kudos to you for doing so. Also, if I ever had a sister, she could not ever be the Girl-Who-Lived, because it has been stated multiple times, or at least implied, that I'm the only one who could defeat Voldemort."

"There are times where people like to use the 'Harry lives with someone else besides the Dursleys' plotline. If you read closely in 'Order of the Phoenix', I live with the Dursleys because they are my _last living relatives_. Even though they are horrible, and I really hate them, I live with them because I am protected form Voldemort, because of the protection I got from my mother, Lily Potter. Voldemort can't kill me because my mother sacrificed herself, and I have the one thing Voldemort doesn't--the power to love." Harry seems to be fairly angry about his mother, but after some deep breathing, Harry seems to be fine.

"Yes, my parents are Lily and James Potter. Why would people tell me that I look exactly like my father and have my mother's eyes if my parents were somebody else? I applaud you the author if you can sucessfully write the 'Harry has different parents' plotline without it being cliche or stupid." Harry is finished, and suddenly, Ron and Ginny run in the room.

"Ron, Ginny, what in the world possessed you to come to the Sue lesson so late?" Hermione yelled, sounding almost exactaly like Mrs. Weasley.  
"Sorry, Hermione, I completely and totally forgot! I was working on my homework..." Ginny started.  
"I forgot too, Hermione. Please forgive me?" Ron said, interrupting Ginny.  
"Oh, fine. Whatever, Ronald. Harry, show Ron and Ginny what we talked about today." Harry shows Ron and Ginny what he and Hermione had done in the lesson, which is all conviently written down on several sheets of parchement.

"Families, eh?" Ron murmurs, more to him self than to anybody else.

"Well, the Weasleys seem to be safe! Authors seem to know that I'm the only girl born in several generations, as well as that I'm the youngest Weasley child, that Fred and George are the only twins in the family, that we are purebloods, and that we are definately Aruthur and Molly Weasley's kids, meaning we aren't other people's kids stolen at birth or something stupid like that." Ginny explains. She seems happy that none of her family have been made into cliches.

"The only think I hate about me being in fanfiction is that people like to randomly make me over into what the author wants me to look like, meaning a whore! I usually get as many makeovers as Hermione these days. I'm then turned into a Mary Sue skank and everything goes down-hill from there." Ginny explains, as Ron, Hermione and Harry agree.

"People like to bash me and my family for some reason. I don't have a clue as to why though." Ron also explains, while Hermione, Harry and Ginny agree.  
"Is that all?" Hermione asks.  
"Yup, that's all." The other three teens say in unison.  
"I now officially declare this lesson over!"

* * *

**A/N: Running out of ideas for this fic. Please pitch in ideas, if you want. Thanks, and review! **

**Speaking of reviews, I HAVE GOTTEN 94 REVIEWS FOR THIS STORY, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**This is the story with, by far, the most reviews of any of my stories. It makes me so happy! I'm now in happy mode. -smiles- **

**Anyways, I LOVE ALL OF MY REVIEWERS! DON'T EVER STOP! THANK YOU SO MUCH AND VIRTUAL TACOS TO ALL!**

**-ahem-**

**I'm not so crazy now, so yeah...Don't forget to review and make this author happy! And some ideas for future chapters, cause I'm all out of them.**


	17. Pets

Pets

* * *

Harry and Hermione were first to arrive in their normal room. Luckily for the two teens, Ron and Ginny were on time for this particular lesson.

"Okay, Ginny, Ron, since you two were absent for most of the previous lesson, I think it's only fair that you pitch some ideas for this lesson." Hermione says. Ginny and Ron agree with the bushy haired girl.

"What about pets?" Ron suggests. At first, the room was dead quiet.

"That's..." Hermione starts.

"Good or bad? Tell me already!" Ron says impatiently.  
"That's actually a pretty interesting idea. Let's begin, shall we?" Hermione says, gaining agreeing nods from Ginny, Ron and Harry.

"Oh! I've got an idea for this lesson!" Harry says enthusiastically.

"Go ahead, Harry." Ron says, trying to get Harry to stop trying to waste time.

"Okay, as you readers know, at Hogwarts, the students are allowed to own a pet. The only pets allowed are owls, rats and cats. Neville Longbottom is, considering your view point, lucky because he's the only documented student who has been allowed to own a pet frog, named Trevor. That means exotic animals, such as wolves or horses, are not allowed under any circumstances. Besides, wolves are endangered animals. Why would your teenage character take care of a carnivorous, predatory, endangered animal? It could be very dangerous to students and their health." Harry explains, wondering why anybody would want some crazy animal like a wolf.

"Let me talk now!" Ron says, nearly jumping out of his sit out of excitement.

"Come on Ron, if you have something to say, just sasy it!" Hermione snaps.

"Fine, Hermione, calm down. Okay, there are some characters who have normal pets, like a cat. This cat is cute, fluffy and cuddly, with one difference between any ordinary cat--this one can speak through some sort of special mind telepathy. That means the cat and the human can speak through their thoughts! That is unrealistic,

and has not been proven to have happened in this series. Just because you the author thinks it's cool doesn't mean you get to twist canon."

"Other animals that aren't allowed at Hogwarts are griffins, dragons (although Hagrid was lucky that he didn't get caught taking care of Norbert, the Norweigen Ridgeback in Ron, Harry and my first year) and any beast found in the Forbidden Forest. It's called the _Forbidden_ Forest for a reason!" Hermione adds.

"Also, pets with magical powers on their own don't exist in Hogwarts, or at least any where in this series. Try to keep pets the normal, accepted animals, which are owls, cats, rats and toads." Ginny also adds. There is silence that follows Ginny's silence.

"Wow, this lesson is short." Ron says, more to himself than aloud.

"What else should we talk about, then?" Harry asks Ron.  
"I'm not sure."  
"Well, that's _incredibly_ helpful!" Hermione snaps in a slightly sarcastic voice.

"Oh yes! I have one more thing to add!" Ginny exclaims.

"Okay...and what would that be?" Harry inquires.

"Cats, owls, rats and toads do not change their form. Form changing is called being a 'metamorphmagus'. Metamorphamagi are humans who can change their apperance at will. This special power is not something you can teach, but you are born with. The only known metamorphagus is Nymphadora Tonks." Ginny, again, adds.

"Well, is that all?" Hermione asks, for the final time. There was a unamious shaking of heads, meaning 'no'.  
"See you guys next lesson!" Harry says enthusiastically, walking out of the room, as the scene fades to black.

* * *

**A/N: Please review! It's the least you guys can do after such a quick update...even though the chapter's fairly short...and don't worry, there will be more chapters after this.**

**Also, on a more serious note, the metamorphagus information (or at least the little information mentioned) can be found in 'Order of the Phoenix' (book five) and on the Harry Potter Lexicon in Nymphadora Tonks' page.**


	18. Muggles

Muggles

**A/N:**** I want to thank the anonymous reviewer ObviouslyNotASue for pointing out a mistake in my previous chapter, because I confused 'Heads' for 'prefects'. **

**Also, YAY! 'Deathly Hallows' is out! It's scary to think we are finally on the last book of the 'Harry Potter' series. So, on a more serious note, this**** story is now officially pre-Deathly Hallows. DH does not fit with this fic.**** There won't be spoilers, so no worries if you haven't finished the book just yet.**** I have finished reading it, so if you want to chat about it, send me a private message and I'll be happy to talk to you about it.**

**Anyway****, hope you like the new chapte**

* * *

Harry looks confused as he sat on a chair, leaning over to read a fanfiction he had previously printed out from the school's library computer. It never occurred to Harry that computers would not be able to work at the magical school of Hogwarts. This fact was unknown to him, so Harry didn't stop reading it.

"Hey there, Harry. What are you doing?" Ron asks, curiously interested in what his black haired friend was doing.

"I'm reading a fanfiction. Why do you ask?" Harry responds, looking at Ron directly in the eyes.

"Well, I have an idea for the lesson.

"That's brilliant! Let's wait for Ginny and Hermione so you don't have to explain your idea twice." As if on cue, Ginny and Hermione burst into the room with great enthusiasm.

"Hermione, Ginny, Ron's got an idea for the lesson!" Harry exclaimed. Nobody seemed to notice that Harry could have easily just spoken in a regular voice, as yelling didn't do much because of how close Hermione and Ginny were.

"What is it, Ron?" Hermione asks.

"We should teach about Muggles." Ron said shyly.

"Are you trying to be rude?" Hermione asks, sounding a bit angry.

"No! Let me explain, at least!"

"All right, go ahead and explain."

"You see, there are some Muggle girls who 'fall' into our universe, claiming that our world is 'just a fictional book'. They are usually fifteen, sixteen or seventeen years old, depending on how old the author wants her characters to be, meaning the average girl in these types of stories would be in years five, six or seven. These girls violently bend and rape canon so they can exist in our canon universe with ease."

"The characters that 'fall' into Hogwarts come in multiples, mostly of four or five, with the occasional six girls at once. For some reason, they get sorted with the first years and almost always are Gryffindors or Slytherins, despite having no qualities from either hose to belong in them in the first place. These girls are based on the author and her friends, and are usually all females. Rarely, there is a male companion, but Harry told me he's never encountered a male 'falling into our universe' story. We are safe to assume that every character that we talk about in this chapter is a female."

Hermione looks perplexed, while Harry and Ginny are oddly interested in what Ron is talking about.

"So, let me get this straight," Hermione starts, "these 'authors' create characters that 'fall into our universe'. Are you saying that people think we," the bushy haired girl points around the room, "are just figments of a certain writer's imagination and we are just fictional characters living in a fictional world?"

"But Hermione," Ginny says quietly, "didn't you say yourself that we were just the writings of a middle-aged blonde woman who lives in England?"Hermione was speechless. She had actually didn't think that anybody would mention _that_.

"I guess you're right Ginny, that I did mention that we are fictional. But that's not the point of this lesson. We are here to talk about Sues when the fall into our universe and how to make them pleasant and interesting original characters. Ron, do you have anything else to explain about these Muggles who get sucked into our world?"

"Yes, Hermione, I do have some more explanations." Ron starts proudly."These girls come from different places from around the world. Where these female characters original place depends on the author."

"Their home life is surprisingly calm. There are no mentions of 'abusive adoptive parents', or 'biological parents killed by either murder or suicide'. Like most Sues, these characters are incredibly beautiful and freakishly smart. These characters get sucked into our world by reading the 'book' of us, or watching the 'movie. 'Although getting sucked into our world by reading a book or watching a movie is impossible, it is a topic many authors write about." Ron finishes.

"Ron, are there any other types of Muggle Sues?" Ginny asks.

"I've done some research," Hermione starts, while Harry looks confused. He seems to be wondering how in the world Hermione can start researching stuff on Sues so quickly. "And I've figured out there are definitely more types of Muggle Sues." Harry, Ron and Ginny listen intently to the bushy haired girl intently."First, there are the sues who claim to be Harry's neighbor from Privet Drive." Harry shudders to think he could have ever lived by a Sue.

"She is incredibly beautiful, has an unusual eye color and is skinny enough to be anorexic, but still manages to have large, breasts. She can also claim to have been bullied by Harry's whale of a cousin, Dudley was it? This character can also have gone to Harry's primary school. It is unlikely that anybody could remember a random female from the past."

"I think that's all for this lesson, is it?" Hermione asks Ron, Harry and Ginny. They all agree that there is nothing more to teach.

"I would like to say one last thing about this lesson!" Ginny says, after being quiet for nearly the whole lesson.

"What is it?" Ron asks.

"Pairings between the original characters and canon characters, as the 'plot' for many of these stories includes some sort of romance."

"What about them?"

"You see these writers like their original characters with male canon characters they like the most. Usually, these characters are Harry, Ron or Draco, depending on the house the original characters are in. There are almost never any characters in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff because there are no prominent characters in those houses."

"Ginny, there _are_ prominent characters in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff!" Hermione blurts out indignantly.

"Oh yeah? Name them!"

"Cedric Diggory, Hufflepuff, died in the TriWizard Tournament two years ago in Harry's fourth year. Cho Chang, Ravenclaw, dated Cedric, was in the DA and dated Harry for a short time. Luna Lovegood, Ravenclaw, also in the DA, helped us battle in the Department of Mysteries and is generally just sort of dreamy and odd."

Ginny pouts at Hermione mentioning the characters that Ginny might have forgotten about.

"People know that Cedric died, so nobody interesting, in the author's minds at least, are in Hufflepuff. Writers think Cho is clingy and whiny because she was still hung up on Cedric's death at the time she dated Harry, and Luna is just Luna…odd, dreamy and just a little bit goofy."

"Well, anyway, most writers pair their characters with Harry, Ron or Draco, like I said earlier. She's a Slytherin and shows no reason to be one if she's paired with Draco. Pansy Parkinson, although having the most canonical evidence of having a relationship with Draco, is treated as a fawning, obsessive fan girl with no life outside of getting away with calling Draco 'Drakie' and 'Dray'. I don't like Malfoy that much, but that sounds horrible!" Ginny finishes explaining her part of the rant.

"Since Ginny ranted about Draco, I'll talk about being paired up myself. No, this female original character won't be a Gryffindor for no reason, and I highly doubt she'd be my neighbor on Privet Drive. If she was, she'd believe my aunt, uncle and cousin would say about me, thinking I'm a delinquent anyway. She would not take me away from their abuse, it is impossible because of my mother's blood protection, and it will not go away until I turn seventeen." There is an awkward silence, and Harry gestures that he has definitely finished.

"I don't know what to say except I will not ever like a Mary Sue." Ron says quickly.

There is another incredibly awkward silence.

"This lesson is over, since nobody has anything else to say on this matter." Hermione says, as the Trio and Ginny leave the room.

* * *

**A/N:**** Thanks to EnthusiasticEarthElemental for the idea for this chapter. Any ideas for the story is greatly appriciated, so don't hesitate to leave it in a review or a PM. Please review!**


	19. Interlude: The Slytherins

Interlude: The Slytherins

**A/N: ****Just want****ed to say that the '!1****!' at the end of the 'Daughters'**** chapter, ****number 13**** if you forgot what chapter it was,**** is supposed to be a joke, although it is a stupid one**

* * *

Down in the dungeons, through the spiraling hallways and to the left is the entrance to the Slytherin dormitory. Draco Malfoy can be seen, grey eyes plastered to a glowing screen. That glowing screen was a computer, which contained a story of…epic proportions. The blond haired teen would gasp and scream in shock. Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, all Slytherins in sixth year with him, were nearby Draco, wondering what in the world was happening and why Draco was gasping and screaming. Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode, two other sixth year Slytherins, cared less about Draco and were reading books.

Yet another scream came from Draco's mouth, scaring the wits out of Pansy.

"Draco, what's wrong?" She asked, concerned for Draco. The blond teen didn't answer, but just pointed to the screen of the computer, shocked to the point of silence. Pansy read what Draco was pointing at, and screamed as well.

"My god, Parkinson, Malfoy, what in the name of Salazar are you two screaming about?" Blaise asked loudly. His answer was a squeak of terror from Pansy and silence from Draco.

"You are both insane. If this story freaks you out, than stop reading it and you will have your sanity intact!" Millicent said logically.

"Yes, you say that now, but when you have read some of this trash, your opinion will definitely change." Blaise rolled his eyes.

"Just rant about how much you hate that cliché story then, god. It's not like whining, screaming and gasping will do anything to change the story." Millicent said with a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

"Millicent Bulstrode you are a genius! I'd kiss you, except I do not like you romantically." Draco yelled happily. Millicent looked a bit shocked at Draco's out of character burst of randomness.

"Okay, this story says I am abused at home to the point where it is dangerous to my health. That is a total lie! My father has never beaten me, nor will he ever plan to beat me in the future. He is a bit strict, yes, but he will never harm me. Also, if he ever laid a hand on me, my mother would have been smart enough to do something to stop it. I would also have been smart enough to tell somebody and ask for help."

"Also, I will never become an 'emo' or a 'goth', whatever the hell that means, because of my father's 'irrationally horrible behavior'. I will never listen to Evanescence or Marilyn Manson, because I have class, and I do not like Muggle bands. They do not exist in our time period and universe anyway!"

"On my looks, I have pale skin, a pointed face, and my hair is light blond. My eyes are grey. No, I will never do anything to change my hair color or eye color. I will never use Muggle hair dye to change my hair color to black, nor will I use Muggle contacts to change my beautiful grey eyes to blue. I hate anything that is related to Muggles and there is nothing to make me change otherwise."

"My eyes are not naturally blue, nor are they 'steely grey or 'stormy grey'. Eyes are eyes, not 'silver orbs' or any cliche crap like that. They are just grey. My hair is blond, not 'as pale as snow' or 'silvery tresses'. My hair is the way it is, not some ground for cliches."

"Lastly, I am no sex god. I do not sleep around with girls just because I can. I have class, and I do not want to make out with every female in Hogwarts. Speaking of females, I will never go near Hermione Granger." Draco rubs his temples in exasperation. "She is a Muggleborn and is therefore, scum. What makes you think that just because we bicker and are sworn rivals means that we would ever consider liking each other? She would probably get together with that prat Weasley. We will never share Head Boy/Girl dorms. We will never get together. GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULLS!" Draco screamed the last part, but is ultimately done with his rant. Pansy, Blaise, Vincent and Crabbe look shocked, while Millicent claps sarcastically.

"I feel the need to rant after what Draco did." Pansy said solemnly. "I just wanted to say that I am not a whore, and I do not sleep with anything that is a male or moves. I haven't even had a boyfriend!" Millicent interrupts Pansy by laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Pansy asked indignantly.

"You of all people haven't had a boyfriend?! That is a total shock! Even _I've_ had a boyfriend!"

"Stalking Connor Peterson doesn't count as him being your boyfriend!"

"But it _is_ closer than whatever relationship you have ever had!"

"Let me get back to my rant, Millicent."

"Fine by me, do whatever you want Pansy."

"Anyway, I do not 'fawn' over Draco. We both enjoy each other's company, that's all." Millicent held back giggles.

"I have never called Draco 'Dray' or 'Drakie-poo'. I only do that to make fun of him, and I never call him nicknames in a serious conversation."

"Sorry to interrupt, but Blaise looks angry." Gregory said quietly.

"Oh my god, you can speak?" Draco asked incredulously."Yes, why does that shock you?"

"Because you have never said anything around me, you were always silent!"

"Well, nothing was bothering me so I didn't find the need to say anything." Gregory smiled cheekily, causing Draco to go red.

"Hello? Does anyone care that I'm angry?"

"No, not particularly. Why do you ask?" Millicent said.

"I have found out that people abuse me in fanfiction."

"Why would they do that?" Millicent asked.

"Writers think I am related to Granger, who is 'secretly a pureblood'. Granger is the least likely to become a pureblood!"

"Well, duh, Granger is a Muggleborn!"

"Yes, but it is impossible for me to be related to her! She would never be re-sorted into Slytherin either.""If Granger would ever be re-sorted, she would be a Ravenclaw, with all of her smarts and all."

"So…is that all?" Goyle asked.

"Goyle can talk?" Millicent and Pansy asked in unison. Gregory rubbed his temple in exasperation."Yes, I can talk, no I will not explain why."

"We are done here!"

The Slytherin common room faded to black as Draco, Pansy, Blaise, Gregory, Vincent and Millicent went to their separate rooms in their dorms.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updates,**** I was aw****ay on vacation for the past week**** in Hawaii and literally just got in ****really early ****this morning****, so I am really tired. I apologize if this chapter isn't completely coherent, my brain is fried. **

**The 'story' that Draco and Pansy read is not a real one on fanfiction dot net, as I just made it read like a bunch of cliches I've read including Draco, Pansy and the Slytherins.**

**I may do a point of view from the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs if enough people liked this Slytherin view, so look out for those chapters to come out sometime in the near future.**

**Please review the chapter and I hope you don't mind this really long author's note!**


	20. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs Unite!

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs Unite!

**A/N: I have a semi-important announcement to make:**** school started for me recently**** and I will not have a lot of time on the computer to update, so do not expect many updates from me after this one. School takes a lot out of me and I just do not think I can balance a fanfiction while juggling all of my junk for school, so don't hate me when you don't see regular updates after this chapter. **

**Also, I would have done the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff chapters separately, but there is barely any information about those houses, except for a handful of secondary, name only characters or one or two main characters from each house. It is really sad that JKR didn't focus on those houses…what a pity!**

* * *

This room is different from the normal one Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny use. Instead of it having lines of empty student desks and a larger teacher's desk at the front of the room, along with plain white walls and a chalk board, the room is blue and bronze, with comfy chairs, a fire and tables and chairs for working on homework. The realization hits…this is the Ravenclaw common room!

The Ravenclaws, or those who are in the common room, look angry.

"Why must we be such an under-appreciated house?" Cho Chang, seventh year, mused out loud.

"What are you talking about, Cho?" Roger Davies, another seventh year, asked.

"Fanfiction, that's what I'm talking about" Cho starts, her voice rising with each word.

"Okay, you are definitely scaring me," Roger states nervously.

"Stop worrying, Roger, Cho is just an emotional person," Padma Patil, sixth year with a twin sister, Parvati, in Gryffindor, said blandly.

"Padma, how can you be so calm about Cho's emotions…?" Roger asks, completely shocked.

"I'm a girl, do the math, idiot," Padma stated, this time moving closer to the other Ravenclaws.

"What's going on down here?" Luna Lovegood, a second sixth year, asked dreamily.

"_WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY GIRLS?_ Why aren't there any other male Ravenclaws besides me?"

As if on cue, Terry Boot walked across the Ravenclaw common room, oblivious to his surroundings.

"Oh, thank god you're here Terry…!"

"Uh, sorry Roger, but I'm not into you like that."

"Shut up, all of you, because I _can_ hear your laughter!" Roger said, his ears a bright shade of red from embarrassment from the sniggering of Cho and Padma. Luna, however, dreamily looked out the window. Terry, however, was incredibly confused as to why a group of Ravenclaws would gather in the middle of the common room besides for the fact that they would be helping each other with their homework.

"I am afraid to ask, but why are you guys gathered around in the common room?"

"For the hatred of Mary Sues, obviously, Terry, why else would we be here?" Cho said as if Terry already knew what she was talking about. "I know a girl named Mary Sue Hartley, is she a bad person?" Luna asked all of a sudden.

"Yeah, Cho, what is wrong with the name 'Mary Sue'?" Padma asks ferociously.

"Well, a Mary Sue is a perfect character; she's beautiful, intelligent and just great at everything she does. Her home life is tragic, but still manages to have a heart of gold. She is just the single most annoying type of character you can read!""Wait, are you telling me that a Mary Sue is more than one person?" Roger asks, confused a bit as to what Cho is saying.

"Okay…here's a story with a typical Mary Sue," Cho runs up to the girls' dormitories, only to return with a thick booklet of paper with words written on them. Roger, Terry, Padma and Luna all skimmed through the story and had horrified faces by the time they had finished.

"Now it is time to rant about these incredibly horrid Mary Sues and wonder why they were created!" Padma said enthusiastically as every other Ravenclaw whole-heartedly agree.

"So, what is there to talk about?" Luna murmured. "Well, most fanfiction articles do not include Ravenclaws for some reason." Cho stated matter-of-factly.

"Shouldn't we be…you know…_angry_ that our house is barely mentioned in fanfictions?" Terry asks timidly.

"Yes, we _should_be angry! _Let's revolt_…" Roger starts in a loud manner, in an unintelligent attempt to either be funny or to get in the spirit of how angering it was that Sues were annoying and should be destroyed.

"Oh, no, Roger, do not even _THINK _about revolting!" Cho snapped at Roger in a motherly fashion.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you are, Cho, my freaking mother, ordering me around and the like…" Roger retorted darkly.

"It's called 'safety' Roger; I do not want you to hurt yourself out of extreme stupidity." Cho said with a grin on her face.

There was an awkward silence in the Ravenclaw common room, which was broken by the banging on the portrait hole.

"Who is it?" Luna asked dreamily, probably forgetting that only Ravenclaws could get in with the right password.

"Oh, fine…! Open the stinking portrait hole, already!" Roger said darkly. Padma, Terry and Cho wondered who in Hogwarts would want to bang on the Ravenclaw portrait hole. Luna absentmindedly stared into space, only to look when a pink-faced blonde haired girl walked into the room, a second girl with straight light brown hair following. Two boys also walked in, one with a round face and brown hair, the second being taller than the rest, with golden brown hair and blue eyes.

"Who _are_ you people?" Padma asked in a bewildered tone of voice.

"We are Hufflepuffs, of course!" The round faced boy said.

"There are Hufflepuffs at Hogwarts? I've never met any…" Luna said, surprised.

"Is this girl serious?" The tall, blond boy asked.

"Oh, don't mind Luna, she always acts dreamy." Padma said dismissively.

"I would think it a good idea if you guys introduced yourselves." Cho added. "Oh, right…I guess that is a good idea!" The blonde, pink faced girl said in a cheery tone. "I'm Hannah Abbott!"

"Justin Finch-Fletchery, at your service…" The tall, golden brown haired boy said quietly.

"Susan Bones, a pleasure to meet you all." The girl with the long, light brown hair said elegantly.

"The name is Ernie MacMillan." The round faced boy said.

"Hey, wasn't there Hufflepuff that commentated a Quidditch match or something?" Padma asked.

"Yeah, that was Zacharias Smith. He…graduated already." Justin said, rubbing the back of his head.

* * *

In the Great Hall, an athletically built teen is bound and gagged, struggling and on the floor. No-one knows who he was or why he was there, but they just left him there, unknowing that the male teen was a student of Hogwarts, named Zacharias Smith. As they passed him by, they laughed hystarically and then wondered who in the world woul bind and gag a student at Hogwarts. Unless, of course, you were Fred and George Weasley, than nothing is explainable...

* * *

"So, what are you Hufflepuffs doing in the Ravenclaw common room?" Luna asked.

"We overheard from a reliable source that you were talking about Mary Sues." Ernie said.

"Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron and Ginny Weasley told you this, did they not?" Cho replied with a smug grin on her face.

"How did you know?" Hannah exclaimed.

"Well, Harry told _us_…well, Roger and I, about Sues, and then we told the rest of our house about them. We were about to talk about them…"Cho explained to the Hufflepuffs who looked as if they learned a lot.

"Well, can we talk about Sues with you?" Hannah asked timidly.

"Sure, the more people, the merrier!" Terry said enthusiastically.

There was a pause as Justin, Ernie, Hannah and Susan made themselves comfortable in the unknown room.

"I hate that Sues make us Hufflepuffs sound like bubbly fools!" Ernie suddenly shouted.

"Yeah, I agree!" Susan said, agreeing with the round faced boy.

"Hufflepuffs are not followers, nor are they airheads!" Hannah said.

"Ravenclaws are poorly characterized as well. We are always the work-a-holic idiots who have nothing better to do than to read and study." Padma said enthusiastically.

"I know! I am always treated as a clingy, whiny human hose. I mean, I have every right to be sad, my boyfriend Cedric Diggory just died, and I felt as if I betrayed him by dating Harry, not that Harry was a bad kid or anything…" Cho teared up a bit at the thought of her dead boyfriend, but remained strong.

"Well, I hate the fact that I am rarely ever included in stories!" Terry said, pouting.

"Isn't that a bit conceited, Terry?"

"No, it isn't! I have only heard of two stories where I am not a name only character!" "Well, fine, I see your reasoning. Just be clearer next time, all right?"

"Fine, whatever, I will."

"Hey, Justin, you have been unusually quiet. Normally you'd be all over talking like this." Hannah said, trying to make the silent tall teen talk.

"There is no reason for me to talk, so why should I?" Justin asked darkly.

"Well, you cannot let these horrid Sues make Hufflepuffs look bad, can you?""No…"

"Than say something, already!"

"_I HATE MARY SUE__S_!"

"That is the spirit!"

"The only times Hufflepuffs have ever been mentioned is the Sorting Ceremony, the basilisk incident in second year..." Justin shuddered at his own words. Susan, Hannah and Ernie shuddered at the memory as well, "the TriWizard Tournament and Dumbledore's Army. Every other mention is only just to have us walk by!"  
"How infuriating!" Susan exclaimed.

Luna sits in the corner, staring out into space. She seems to be oblivious to the world around her.

The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs animatedly talk about horrible Sues and the scene fades to black.

* * *

**A/N:**** I am really satisfied with this chapter…please review, I would greatly appreciate it. **


	21. Prophecies

The Unexpected Chapter

...or Prohpecies

**A/N: Yes, it's been a while and I'm finally back. All I have to say is blame the school play (Once Upon a Mattress, if you wanted to know.) The play was fun albeit time consuming. Schoolwork is to blame as well. ::laughs:: Anyways, here's the long awaited chapter! (Also: Yay for winter break starting::cheers:: More time to write fanfics, haha.)

* * *

**Instead of focusing on the teaching methods of Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny in their normal abandoned classroom, we are in a different room focusing on three different people, girls to be exact. One of females has a warm, heart shaped face dusted with freckles. Her chesnut brown hair falls into her cerulean blue eyes with glasses. This girl was incredibly pretty with curves in all of the right places. She was wearing a tight fitting glittery magenta shirt with a large red heart in the middle and short denim jeans, openly defying the dress policy and wearing of uniforms by wearing these skimpy, slut-like clothes. Her makeup was simple, with peach eyeshadow, light pink blush and lots of black mascara.

The second beautiful female had coal-black hair in a braid. Her eyes were unusual, they were violet flecked gray-blue. She had a streak of silver in her hair and a star tattoo on her cheek. This girl was also unnaturally curvy yet thin, which happend to be a contradiction, which would be ignored for now. She, coincidentally, was insanely, extremely beautiful as well, probably even better looking than the previous girl. Her polo shirt was blue and white and she wore a black mini-skirt to show off her long legs. She also blue fishents to finish off the outfit. Her eyeshadow was pale blue and her mascara was blue as well.

The last female teen had wavy light, chocolate brown hair, with natrual blonde highlights, clear silver flecked blue eyes and flawless skin. Her petite figure could have been caused by anorexia, a disorder where you do not eat correctly because of an obsessive fear of gaining weight, but she indeed was not anorexic, as she had unnaturally large breasts that did not mix well with gravity and gave her a lot of back pain. It seems as if these three girls had no flaws at_ all_ and were just unnaturally perfect. She was the best looking of the three girls. Her astounding beauty could be considered inhumane, as if she was not a normal witch-human female. Her long sleeved gold shirt complemented her hair and eyes perfectly while her white jeans complemented her clothes, hair and eyes as well. The girl's eyeshadow was simply gold shimmer and wore lots of shiny gold mascara.

These three girls are better known as Darcy Angelique Starlight Russell, Michelle Amber Lynn Preston and Ophelia April Jayacinth Desdemona Rhianna Schitzo'phrenia Ebony Gabrielle Amy LaElles or Kat, the gang of Mary Sues. They have become powerful allies and decided to meet in an abandoned classroom for some unknown, illogical and unexplained reason.

"...And that's my plan!" Darcy says triumphantly.

"What in the world are you talking about Darcy? You just started saying 'and that's my plan'; surely you have an actual plan?" Michelle asks, forcing logic into the situation.

"Michelle, I'm absolutely_ positive_ my plan is better than Darcy's." Kat boasts arrogantly, causing the other two girls to become somewhat uncomfortable.

"What makes you think that, Kat?" Darcy asks defensively with a furious tone in her voice.

"I can read minds _and _see into the future. Trust me Darcy, Michelle, I _know_ these things." The black haired girl did nothing except show a defiant face, not wanting to fight with the telepathic Seer.

"What's yourbrilliant plan Kat?" Michelle asks hesitantly with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Well, we want to get revenge on the people we hate the most right?" Michelle and Darcy agree, nodding their heads enthusiastically in agreement.

"Those people are a Trio, more commonly known as individuals who go by the names of Hermione J. Granger, Harry J. Potter and Ronald B. Weasley."

"How do you know the Trio's middle initials?" Darcy asks innocently.

"You don't need or want to know the answer to that, Darcy." Michelle replies darkly, her voice barely audible.

"Anyway, our revenge will include Muggle glue, all of our magical abilities, Michelle's magical heart shaped locket, (you know the one that lets you shape-shift?) Darcy's...enthusiasm, and a turkey sandwich with mayonnaise and mustard..."

---

Now, instead of focusing on Kat, Darcy and Michelle, we are focused in the regular abandoned classroom where Ginny, Hermione, Ron and Harry teach about Mary Sues. The four teens are at peace, relaxing on three armchairs that were never there in the room in the first place, as if there is nothing on their minds.

"It has been a while since we did our last lesson on Mary Sues, hasn't it?" Hermione asks out loud, stating the somewhat obvious.

"Let's talk about prophecies!" Ginny exclaims, nearly falling out of her armchair.

"Why prophecies?" Ron asks his sister simply.

"There are _a lot_ of prophecies that state a certain super-powered main character should destroy You-Know-Who in their fifth, sixth or seventh year, although sometimes the prophecies aren't age-specific." Ginny explains briefly.

"That sounds a lot like the prophecy Harry has!" Ron exclaims.

"It doesn't just _sound_ like the prophecy I have because it **_is_** _my_ prophecy!" Harry answers, somewhat bewildered that a Sue had to take his role over. Despite the fact he had to live his school-life trying to break out of the shell of being more than 'The Boy-Who-Lived' or 'The Chosen One', he couldn't help but think...why should he have to go through all the suffering of being ridiculed because of being a 'celebrity', someone prophecized by birth to destroy the most powerful Dark wizard of all time, taken over by a perfect girl? It was a hard task to take on, but Harry felt obligated to defeat the Dark Lord, with help from Hermione, Ron and maybe even Ginny and possibly others, and not a random character he has never met. His desire to keep canon in order was re-kindled by this one part of Mary Sue-dom.

"I know, it's uncreative. There are also--get this!--girls who are destined to defeat You-Know-Who and are his illigetimate_ daughter_! Why would his daughter kill You-Know-Who?" As the four teens laugh hysterically at the nonesense that is prophecies, the door that was originally closed was broken off it's hinges and a bright multi-colored light blinded Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. As the light dimmed, it revealed Darcy with bright red eyes (she had eyes that changed with her moods, green was for envy, magenta was love and so on) and a furious face, Michelle with a heart shaped locket in her palm and Kat with a katana. How an American transfer student in Britian attained a weapon without being caught, a Japanese one at that, would forever remain a mystery.

"We want _revenge_!" Darcy, Michelle and Kat scream loudly with much anger.

"But, girls...we mean no harm!" Ron says timidly.

"Yeah, we are just four friends just meeting together in an abandoned classroom." Hermione adds much more boldly, backing Ron's statement up. It was not necissarily a lie.

"How are we supposed to believe you?" Darcy asks, as she has calmed down a bit.

"Well, what else could we be doing?" Harry asks the three girls, although it is obviuos that his question is rhetorical and not meant to be answered. Darcy, Michelle and Kat look at each other.

"Nothing, but..." Kat says, speaking for the three Mary Sues.

"Exactly. You three should just get out and leave us alone" Harry interrupts.

"We really do not like you and your Mary Sue friends. Your perfection and special powers, to be blunt, are incredibly annoying. We hate you." Ron says, trying to push the three girls out of the room.

Kat look depressed, as if she were about to burst into tears at any given moment. Darcy comes forward to comfort the depressed girl, and Michelle gives Kat a hug with streams of tears flowing down her cheeks, not caring that her mascara was running, making her look less pretty than she already was. Darcy ended up giving Kat a hug as well, not being able to take seeing her friend depressed, tears also flowing down her cheeks, like rain. Swirls of color, obviously from the makeup they put on, and mascara ran down both Michelle's and Darcy's faces from their mass amounts of crying. Kat was the only girl in that group not sobbing like a baby. The three friends just stayed in each others comforting arms, Darcy and Michelle sobbing hysterically like the drama queens they were.

Hermione and Ginny were dumbstruck at the crying and sadness of Kat, Darcy and Michelle.

"How _could_ you!?" Hermione screams at Harry and Ron, suddenly making Michelle, Kat and Darcy look towards them, sniffling pathetically and rubbing their eyes.

"What the hell did we do?" Ron retorts just as loudly.

"You reduced two girls to hysterical tears and made one of these girls depressed with your rude words! That is horrible, even if they are Mary Sues." Ginny replies, obviously angered.

"Ginny, you're being brain-washed by the Sues' hypnotic eyes!" Harry blurts out ignorantly. Kat looks at Harry with large, sad eyes. Harry's face softens.

"It doesn't matter what happens, you hurt someone's feelings and that is a mean thing to do, even if you don't like them." Hermione chides both Harry and Ron.

"I demand that you apologize to Kat, Darcy and Michelle." Ginny demands, looking Harry and Ron in the eyes.

"Fine," The two teens muttered. Ron and Harry went up Michelle, Kat and Darcy, looking the girls' straight in their captivating eyes. Before the two teens could say anything, Darcy and Kat run up enthusiastically to Harry and Ron, squeezing the boys until they could barely breath. Michelle stayed back, mostly because she was a shy person. She just smiled, thankful that Ron and Harry would apologize for their harsh words and actions. When Darcy and Kat stopped hugging Ron and Harry, Michelle came up to the two teenaged boys. She did not hug Ron or Harry, to their relief, but simply shaked their hands vigourously.

Before the three girls left, Harry asked:

"Why were you girls so emotional just then?" Kat looked at Michelle and Darcy with scared eyes. Michelle and Darcy nodded, encouraging the beautiful brunette to speak.

"We couldn't take all of the attention and swoonin at our beauty." Kat explained simply.

"Also, the pressure was too great to be perfect at everything we did. The burden was too much." Michelle added.

"Our super-powers were being taken advantage of, and we did not want to use our powers for entertainment." Darcy said quickly.

"Basically, and I speak for the three of us, we want to become normal." Kat says.

"We will be glad to help you!" Hermione says enthusiastically. The scene fades to black.

* * *

**A/N: For those of you who are reading my other stories: expect an update, as I shall be updating them soon.**

**Also, I just want to say that all stories with prophecies aren't _always_ bad, just the ones that I have read were particularly horrific. ****Remember, this is my opinion and I am definately not forcing you to believe as I do, nor am I saying your opinion is wrong because it is different from mine.**

**The descriptions of the three Sues at the begining are intentional, just by the way. **

**To clear up confusion: Kat's nationality was mentioned in chapter 11, and she is an Amerian transfer student, if anyone forgot.** **Both Darcy and Michelle are natives to England.** **Sorry for the crazy long author's notes, and please review!**


	22. Weapons

* * *

Weapons

**A/N: I'm back! Expect more updates. Apologies for the crazy long wait for the chapter.**

* * *

Hermione was in the normal room where she and her three friends normally teach about Mary Sues. She is sitting in a comfortable but squashy chair, reading an incredibly thick book. Surprisingly enough, the book the brunette is reading is not school related. The bushy haired girl looks relaxed and serene, as if nothing could ruin her day. Unluckily for Hermione, Ron and Harry barge into the room, talking loudly and as if Hermione could not hear them. Ginny walks in the room quietly behind Harry and Ron, looking tired.

"Ron! Harry! What in the _world _possessed you two to _think _that you could walk into this _quiet_ and _peaceful_ with your screaming, yelling and general annoying behavior? I am _trying _to _relax_! The _least_ you two could do is be **quiet**!" Hermione explained, extremely angry at the two males' behavior.

"'Mione, you read too much." Ron states simply.

"Call me "Mione" one more time and I **will **_personally_ find a way to hurt you."

"You wouldn't hurt me, you're too kind."

"One more thing! Reading is _not _as bad as you think. Just because **I **like to read..."

"Are you implying that I'm stupid?"

"_Yes_, I **am**."

"Well..." Ron stopped to think about what he should retort.

"You have proved my point of your idiocy. Now, let's get onto the subject of what we shall talk about on our next Sue lesson..."

Ron kept on thinking on his 'witty' retort while Hermione, along with Ginny and Harry, calmly tries to think of ideas. A second later, Ron looks as if he has a wonderful idea.

"You know what Hermione? You're an ugly, bushy haired, freak who's insecure! That's why you read so much, because you're afraid of rejection and therefore, don't talk to people and that's why people find you weird. You're smug and a bossy know-it-all!" Ron has hit some nerves because Hermione is heavily insecure about herself when people bring up her social status, friends and her hair.

"You're an insensitive _bastard _and **the **single most _insensitive_, unemotional prats I've ever had the misfortune to meet! I _loathe _people like **you. **_GO _**DIE**!" Hermione screams in retort. She runs out of the room, breaking out in hysterical sobs. Ginny glares daggers at her older brother.

"How_ dare_ you insult Hermione like that!" Ginny spits in anger. She runs after the brunette in hopes of trying to catch her before Hermione decides to do something uncharacteristically stupid.

An awkward silence follows the fight.

"Ron, that was pretty harsh." Harry says quietly in an attempt to ease the tension.

"Way to side with Hermione...and to think _you _were _my _best mate!" Ron mutters under his breath.

"I am your best mate, but Hermione is our friend too! She deserves respect, not because she's a girl but because she's our friend too. We respect and love Hermione as a sister, and doesn't need to be insulted. Hermione puts up with our flaws and idiocy every day, so why can't we go out of our way, even just a little bit, to put up with her flaws? She has emotions too, if you haven't noticed. Harsh words will hurt her as much as it hurts you or me. When Hermione comes back, whenever that is, you should apologize to her. Not for me, but for her, because she's our friend." Harry feels accomplished after heavily defending Hermione.

Ron does not answer right away, as he seems to be absorbing what Harry just said.

"Oh, Harry, that was _beautiful_!" A familiar, light, beautiful female voice says with a sugary sweet tone.

"Kat? What are you doing here?" Harry asks in confusion. Ron seems as confused as Harry is.

"On behalf of Michelle, Darcy and I," Michelle and Darcy nod as they are named, "want to be normal with the help of you two, Ginny and Hermione. It is _so_hard to be constantly perfect, so we thought you four would be the perfect people to help us become less perfect and Mary Sue-ish and more normal."

As if on cue, Ginny walks in the room with Hermione close behind. Hermione looks pale and shaken up from Ron's harsh words.

"Oh, you poor child!" Michelle says, her motherly, caring side flaring up. Michelle runs up to Hermione and grabs her by the shoulders and rubs Hermione's back to reassure the girl.

"Don't worry about me. I'll take care of Hermione and cheer her up." Michelle says. To prove her point, Michelle brings Hermione to a far corner of the room and starts to talk with the bushy haired girl in a soft, soothing voice. Darcy and Kat sit on two empty chairs and look at Harry, Ginny and Ron intently.

"We're ready to learn!" Darcy says happily.

"Let's move on to our lesson already! We've wasted enough time on other unnecessary...things." Ginny says, gesturing to Michelle and Hermione.

"After that crazy fight, let's talk about weapons." Harry says.

"Seems fitting." Ginny says in agreement, while Ron nods his head in agreement.

"Before we go on, I'd like to say that neither Ron, Harry or I are glorifying the use of weapons. We are not saying that you should carry them around, nor are they "good". We are talking about them for the sake of cliches not because we are secretly carriers of weapons." Ginny warns in a serious tone.

"Weapons are usually items that help people defend themselves in a dangerous situation. Wizards and witches, however, use a wand to cast spells, jinxes and curses to defend themselves. In a lesser extent, potions can be considered weapons but this lesson will not focus on that." Harry starts.

"Weapons are items like swords, daggers, katanas, boomerangs, ninja stars or anything else that you could think of that fits into the description of a weapon. Muggle weapons are things like guns and flamethrowers." Ginny says, stating examples of weapons.

"Frankly, a wizard or witch has no use for a weapon other than a wand. Besides, carrying a boomerang or any other weapon to a magical school full of kids from eleven to eighteen or nineteen is just stupid. Threatening a bully with a weapon is not 'cool' but makes you look like a jerk. " Ron explains.

"Just because someone is of Asian descent does not mean they are from an anime or manga. That means no character will have crazy hairdo's, insane colored hair (that goes for polka-dots, stripes and neon colors as well!) or are ninjas. If you didn't know, anime and manga are a Muggle term for Japanese animation." Harry says. Darcy and Kat have remained interested in Harry, Ginny and Ron's explanation of weapons despite its length.

Giggles stop the Ron, Ginny and Harry from explaining any new material. Hermione and Michelle are the ones who were giggling loudly. The two girls are smiling, proving that Michelle was someone who was good at cheering people up. Both girls go to sit in two empty chairs next to each other. Ron is pushed by Ginny and Harry to apologize to Hermione.

"I'msorryforhurtingyourfeelingspleasepleasepleasforgiveme." Ron says quickly, blushing a deep red.

"I didn't catch that, could you repeat that?" Hermione asks.

"I'm-sorry-for-hurting-your-feelings-_please_-forgive-me?" Ron says slowly, enunciating every word.

"Of course I forgive you. It took a lot of courage to apologize like that." Hermione says sweetly. Ron grins in response.

"Now, let's talk about De-Sue-ifying Darcy, Kat and Michelle..." Ginny starts to say as she walks out with Ron, Hermione, Harry, Darcy, Kat and Michelle.

* * *

**A/N: Ah, what deranged plots my brain creates while on spring vacation...**

**Reviews are appreciated and will make me update faster. **


	23. Alternate Universes

Alternate Universes

**A/N: feel proud, i've updated two chapters in record time!**

* * *

Ron and Harry are in the normal teaching room, thinking of topics to discuss while playing chess. Hermione, Ginny, Michelle, Darcy and Kat are chatting away a distance away from the guys. Fortunately, Hermione and Ron had recovered fully from the fight they had the previous lesson and all of the friends had moved on.

"Before making Kat, Darcy and Michelle more realistic from their incredibly Sueish state, should we talk about any more subjects?" Hermione asks, addressing the six other teens in the room.

"How about plots?" Ginny suggests.

"That's a bit too vague, if you ask me." Harry says.

"Something more specific, although you bring up a valid point Ginny." Hermione says, acknowledging Ginny's point.

"Do you think there are any alternate universes in the world? You know, a different world besides ours?" Ron asks randomly.

"That's brilliant, Ron!" Hermione exclaims.

"For once, you've created a rational thought without the help of Hermione!" Ginny says sarcastically. Ron promptly smacks her on the back of her head.

"_Ron_! That was bloody _painful_!"

"Moving on..." Harry says loudly, trying to help stop a full fledged fight between Ginny and Ron. Harry knew that when Ron and Ginny started fighting, things got messy_ fast_.

"What is an alternate universe?" Michelle asks meekly. Kat and Darcy lean closer to Harry, Ginny and Hermione, smiling broadly, showing off perfect, pearly white and straight teeth. They clearly want to learn.

"An alternate universe, from what I've read in fanfiction, is a different take on an event that already took place or an event that is shaped by changing the time line of a certain character's life or past. An example of this is asking a what if question, like _What if Harry was raised in an environment that wasn't the Dursleys home?_"

Harry interrupts Hermione's explanation by muttering:

"My life would be _miles _better if the Dursleys didn't have to take care of me!"

"Remember, events have to be plausible. An alternate universe that could be explained, if written well, could be that Harry was sorted into Slytherin. It makes sense, can be interpreted creatively and can follow canon." Ginny adds.

"One thing that could never make sense is if Hermione was a pureblood, related to Blaise Zabini and was engaged to marry Draco Malfoy. First off, Hermione is a Muggleborn and will never be a pureblood. Hermione is a Muggleborn because she proves that you don't have to be pureblooded to be a powerful witch or wizard. "

"She will also never become a demon or any other race that isn't human, she will never have insane powers like levitation, mind reading, multiple animagus forms, prophesying or anything that is not a power mentioned in our universe or anything crazy you could come up with." Ron explains with ease.

"Character deaths also happen in our universe and deaths will bother some people. Bringing back characters from the dead is hard to do without a plausible reason to bring them back. Also, it is impossible to raise a person from the dead once someone dies. "

"Most just rewrite the whole story so that a certain character doesn't die. Popular characters to bring back are Harry's parents James and Lily Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and his wife Nymphadora, Fred Weasley and Albus Dumbledore. Some will ignore canon or rewrite it so their favorite characters, whether or not they were mentioned does not matter, so the favorite character of the author can come back." Hermione explains, trying not to cringe at the deaths of the people mentioned, expecially since the people mentioned were close to Harry.

"When the _hell_ did Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus and Tonks die? I just saw Professor Dumbledore this morning, I wrote to Sirius _last week_ and I wrote to Remus and Tonks _yesterday!_ When did this happen and _why_ wasn't I notified?! Why must _every_ **single** adult figure I've ever known go off and _die_?" Harry exclaims, on the verge of tears.

"Fred's...dead?" Ron asks incredulously. Ginny looks at Hermione hopefully, desperately wanting her to be wrong about her older brother's death. The Weasley girl knew that if Fred was dead, George would be more than devastated.

"Well, I shouldn't talk about deaths as that is a sore subject..." Hermione said.

A silence fell over the seven teens.

"When will Michelle, Darcy and I get the makeover you guys promised?" Kat asks in a whiny, selfish voice.

"Soon, just be patient."

* * *

**A/N: And another chapter closes. **

**I was thinking of having the Sues Darcy, Kat and Michelle being made over in the next chapter, have a conclusion chapter and then end the story despite it's popularity. Do you guys like that idea or would you rather have more chapters? If you'd like more chapters, please suggest any ideas in a review.**

**Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the quick updates. Please review! **


	24. The Long Awaited MakeOver and The End

**A/N: I'm back after an extremely long hiatus of five months. It's awesome, isn't it? Don't get used to it. (laughs)**

* * *

Today was the day that Michelle Preston, Darcy Russell and Kat LaElles were eagerly waiting for, the day that they would be made over. At face value, these three girls were gorgeous teenagers with perfect figures, stunning clothes and more make-up on than a salon. Darcy, Michelle and Kat were what you would call Mary Sues who just wanted to be normal like everyone else. The three girls sat on large, comfortable recliners in the classroom where the Mary Sue lessons took place. No sounds were to be heard, the room being so quiet you could hear a pin drop on the floor clearly.

"When will Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny be here?" Michelle asked loudly, breaking the peaceful silence.

"Be patient, they'll be here any minute," Kat replied calmly.

The silence returned. Michelle impatiently tapped her fingers on the arm of the recliner, while Kat knitted a brightly colored afghan that fell to the floor and Darcy read a thick book. A creak of the door opening and loud chattering cued the entrance of Hermione, Ginny, Ron and Harry, deep in conversation.

"Finally, you four are here!" Michelle exclaimed.

"Were we late?" Ron asked.

"Yes, you were. But Michelle shouldn't mind," Darcy replied, pointedly staring at Michelle.

"We apologize," Ginny said politely.

"Apology accepted," Michelle said softly.

"It is time for your make-overs. Are you ready?" Hermione asked solemnly. Michelle, Kat and Darcy nodded in agreement.

"I will be making Michelle over, Darcy; you'll go with Harry and Ron. Last but not least, Kat, you should follow Ginny. Meet back here in an hour and a half," Hermione explained and then grabbed Michelle by her wrist. Ginny lead Darcy out of the room, while Harry and Ron stayed with Kat.

"Okay, according to the makeover manual Hermione and Ginny created, with the help of Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, we have to use magic to permanently change your apperance."

"Will it be painful?" Darcy asked.

"What's a tough girl like you worrying about _pain_?" Ron asked a bit maliciously.

"Who are you calling _weak_?!"

"Darcy, he didn't call you weak! He was worried, you freak. Now shut up and let's get to the makeover!" Harry yelled.

"Well, no need to get angry, Harry." Ron said blandly.

"Stop your alleged 'witty' banter, and move on! I don't have all day." Darcy screamed a bit too loudly, trying to catch the attention of Ron and Harry.

"All right, already. Calm down." Harry replied irritably.

"Can you read Hermione's instructions? Her handwriting is so bloody small…" Ron squinted in a vain attempt to read Hermione's writing. Darcy swiped the piece of parchment out of Ron's hand and started to scan the page.

"It says that you should use the more advanced and permanent version of a glamour spell to change my glorious looks into someone normal like you guys."

"…Are you calling us _ugly_?"

"Yes, I am Ron. And I can safely say you are the most unattractive man I have ever laid my stormy grey eyes on."

"Well, you are the least beautiful Mary Sue I have the misfortune to meet. Now let's get this over with, seriously. This banter is driving me nuts."

Harry muttered the spell Hermione wrote and Darcy began to change. Her once long, glossy, flowing jet-black hair got shorter and lost its luster. Her eyes, once a stormy green-blue with a bit of gray turned a normal shade of blue. She gained lots of untidy freckles and even a bit of acne, losing her flawless skin. She got taller and gained a bit of weight, looking less beautiful and a bit more gawky. The tattoo of a star on her cheek remained, however, much to the pleasure of Darcy.

"You're make-over's done. Have fun with your life." Harry said, shooing Darcy out of the room.

"I wonder how Hermione's coping…" Ron mused out loud.

* * *

"Michelle, we'd be finished much quicker if you stopped knitting that hideous scarf of yours."

"But…I need to finish this row!"

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You just don't _understand_!"

"Oh for the love of--" Hermione raised her wand and Michelle's hair began to turn from a pretty golden brown to a darker, less golden brown. She gained a lot of weight and was much shorter than before. Her stylish glasses were horn-rimmed instead of wire, her eyes turned brown and her cheeks were very chubby.

"You can go to knitting again, if that makes you happy."

"…What just happened?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

* * *

"Kat, stop being an annoying shape-shifter and turn back into a human. I don't like it when you randomly decide you want to be a cat and start shedding all over the nice couch."

Kat, true to her name, was a pale colored tabby cat with big, cute eyes.

"Don't give me that look. You can't win me over with those adorable blue eyes!"

Kat meowed.

"Damn you and your feline cuteness!"

The cat-girl smiled (or as closely as a feline could) and changed back into her unnaturally perfect self. Ginny also muttered the spell and Kat, like Darcy and Michelle, changed. She also shrunk and gained weight. She had lost the shiny quality to her hair and it also lost its natural highlights, staying a relatively normal hair color. Her eyes weren't as clear as before and the silver and violet in her eyes disappeared.

"It's a success! Also, Hermione says you have a new name, which is Ophelia Katherine LaElles so that means you can keep your nickname of Kat."

"Awesome! And thank you." Kat gave Ginny a friendly hug and walked out the door.

In the end, Kat, Darcy and Michelle lived successful lives. Darcy's Slytherin-like ambition and her Ravenclaw-esque intelligence, she combined Muggle tattoos and the Dark Arts into one and started her own tattoo parlor. She dated a half-blood called Samuel Stevenson and is currently engaged to him.

Kat, with her typical Gryffindor bravery and bold, almost reckless, behavior, traveled the world. She dated quite a bit but never settled down. In Kat's mind, seeing new things was much more important than dating.

Michelle, with her hard working, diligent Hufflepuff nature, worked her way into being Neville Longbottom's Herbology teaching assistant. Although she never dated him, they became close friends and she supported his marriage with Hannah Abbott. She married a man called Noah Kennedy, and had two children, a boy called Connor and a girl called Anastasia.

Everyone lived a normal, happy life…or as normal as a witch or wizard can in this crazy world.

* * *

**A/N: And so, here lies the end of "Ten Steps". I hope you liked it. **

**Before leaving, I just want to say that there will be no sequel to this. I mean, seriously, what's left to write? But you may hear more form Kat, Michelle and Darcy, so keep your eyes peeled. **

**Another thing: this is not a definite list of every single Mary Sue-ish trait in all of the Harry Potter fandom. These are only the most noticeable traits that popped up the most in my fanfiction career at fanfiction dot net. There are other things I probably did not talk about. Also, just because I stated a trait in this story that resembled to your character, I am only stomping on clichés, not singling anyone out. Remember, this is my opinion and you do not have to agree if you don't want. This also means that just because your original character has some sue like qualities does not mean you have a Mary Sue. Just give her a personality beyond good looks, smarts, and popularity and you'll probably be fine.**

**If you lived to read through this long A/N: then happy days (or nights or afternoons, whichever you prefer). Reviews are appreciated!**


End file.
